Ok so I am saving the venting for last because I know you only want to read the good news.
So today our CM came for her monthly visit with GREAT news! Michael and Christopher's CW (Jo) is going to request that their permanency goal be changed to TERMINATION!! I am so excited but I can't believe it! The news is very much welcomed but very scary at the same time. Its going to be a very big next seven days for us. On Wednesday we go for Jonathans termination hearing and then the Permanency Conference on Tuesday (9/7) for the little ones. Its going to be a big week here and I am not for sure that I am ready for all the emotions that is going to come the next few days. I am so thankful for some wonderful women in my life, Mary Castorena, Audrey Rosenquist, Carmen Snyder, Rebecca Sheddrick and Shannan Kirk! Thank you all for everything you do without yall I would be a mess and I would feel VERY sorry for my husband! Some of you I have only known for a very short amount of time and Rebecca, I have never even met you but feel so close to you. You listen to me complain, cry, celebrate, gripe, moan, answer my questions, and just listen. THANK YOU!
You are welcome to stop reading at this point everything below this is venting!
Ok so I am so aggravated with some of my family! A few people in particular but I am not going to mention any names, if you know me well enough and arent reading this to be nosey you will know who I am talking about! I am tired of the excuses "I dont want to get close because they might go home", "What if they leave", "I just dont want to see you hurt", "What if..."! WHO CARES! WHY DONT YOU QUIT BEING SELFISH AND THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILD and/or GRANDCHILD! What did you have to go through, were your abused, neglected, tormented, left on the curb, in the car, born with drugs in your system, lost a parent, lost both parents, lost a brother or sister, never had a bed, never had a toy, never had clean clothes, never had clothes, locked in your room, beaten, forgotten. I dont think you have an excuse! I dont even want to tell them our good news because they will say something ignorant like "I didnt want to tell you this because I know it will hurt your feelings but dont get your hopes up!" or "oh cool". Well how about this, dont get your hopes up that I am going to call you and tell you ANYTHING about MY children! You want to know?, why dont YOU ask! Whew, ok! I feel better. Now I understand they didn't sign up for this but do they understand these are my children, as badly as they may want it I am not going to have children. I am extremely confidant that God has/had a plan for the way I will/would be a mom, the way they get here doesn't matter to me and I wouldn't think it would matter to anyone else but I guess it does. I wouldn't have it any other way. I have three amazing children and could not be any luckier! I love them so much and I wish everyone else had the nerve to let themselves love them just half as much as I do, they would be blessed! I understand IF they leave it will hurt, but it wont hurt me as much as their tummies hurt when they were hungry, or they backsides hurt when they were disciplines, or their feelings hurt after being let down time and time again. There is no amount of pain that I wouldn't take to help a child, a helpless, innocent child. But again, I know that we signed up for this not our whole family, nor did we ask for their permission. So with all that being said I do not understand their position on the whole issue but I understand how their can be a difference of opinion. Well thats all I have for now...
I will update on Wednesday night and next Tuesday. Thanks for all the prayers :)
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