Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Been in OT for a month..so it seems!

Well as my previous post stated we were jumping back on the foster parent band wagon. The new agency had not contacted us in almost two months, that sent a red flag up for us, especially since the foster care industry is a 24/7 job.

In the time that we were waiting we found out we were pregnant again, September 12th, a day of mixed emotions. We were pregnant but how would the next 9 months be? Would it end like the time before or would we have a healthy baby in 9 months? We celebrated week 5, then 6, 7, 8, even 9 and then once again our lives stopped right before us once again. We miscarried our second baby on October 20th. I had an inpatient surgery on Monday, October 24th and I am now home recovering. This time has been different, living with the fear of miscarrying our baby for almost 9 weeks was horrible, I was depressed and not happy to be pregnant at all. Please don't get me wrong, we are so extremely hurt, sad, lost, confused about our baby that was made for heaven and not Earth. We have our moments of "losing it" and my husband is right there as soon as I need him. God has blessed me so much by giving me Jeremy! He is so perfect, perfect just for me!

We had planned on still getting our foster licenses even after we found out we were pregnant, (just in case) so we are now on the road to fostering again. I called another agency yesterday that we are familiar with and the were available to meet with us today. We turned alot of our paperwork in and I can not tell you how happy and excited we are. Maybe its part of the healing process for us, maybe not. I do know without a shadow of a doubt we are supposed to be foster and/or adoptive parents. I feel normal again. I feel like I have a purpose and I am fulfilling that purpose. We know we are going to receive criticism and we pray that God will prepare our hearts for that and that we will be able to handle it in a way that is pleasing to God.

Wow that was a full post, hopefully the next post is alot more fun with some Halloween and Biscuits 2nd Birthday pictures!!!