How'd we get from there to here? Adventures in a {really} small town...

Life has a way of surprising us, and recently, we have embarked on an exciting journey of change, new beginnings, and a touch of adventure.

You know that feeling when you decide to take a leap of faith, step out of your comfort zone, and embrace change? Well, that's exactly what happened to us. After careful consideration, I made the decision to leave the Joseph Thomas Foundation, a move that came after lots of prayer, tears and counsel. Just 48 hours later, we were informed that Jeremy would not be allowed to return to TLCA for the next school year. For those in "regular" schools that maybe reading this, TLCA does not offer contracts, you can be relieved of your duties at anytime during the school year. In the eyes of many, it might have seemed like my departure from JTF was solely linked to Jeremy's career change, and while leaving TLCA was not in our plan, the reality is more nuanced. God was orchestrating the narrative of our next chapter. Now, six weeks later, the anticipation and excitement about what lies ahead in this new phase are beyond words. We're ready to dive into the rest of this chapter, embracing the unknown with open hearts and a sense of purpose. Leaving behind the familiar was daunting. After all, our entire family has spent countless hours building two different organizations to what they are today. Deep down, I knew my time at JTF was coming to an end and to continue the vision that I have to serve and advocate for the underserved would require me to turn the page and seek out where God would want me to be next.

So a quick recap- October 30, I resigned from my mission at JTF. To add some adventure, on October 31 Jaxon was bitten in the face by a pit bull on Halloween night while Trick or Treating. November 1, Jeremy was informed he was no longer wanted at TLCA. 

After reality set in our boys were crushed, angry, confused, and shocked. Over the next week they would learn life lessons about perseverance, dedication, dishonesty, and betrayal. It was time for Jeremy and I to hit our knees in prayer. When our boys, that were determined to have perfect attendance, refused to go to school because they "couldn't even look at them [staff and admin]", we knew we had to make some changes, quickly.

I was offered a job at a widely recognized non-profit within three days of my resignation. I knew I was not going to be able to accept the position because we would be relocating but I do feel like God used that job offer as confirmation that I was desperately needing, since both of us became "unemployed" semi-unexpectedly, within 48 hours.  

One week later God began opening doors for our family. November 9 our family was invited to interview at Electra ISD. Yes, our whole family, how cool is that?! 

How is Jay going to handle this, HE'S A SENIOR?

Will I need a job ASAP?

Will there be a special ed program?

Will there be a house big enough for us? 

Not only is it Christmas time, it's the MIDDLE OF THE YEAR!

Again, we prayed and we prayed hard. God answered our prayers in ways I never thought imaginable.

November 13 the boys said goodbye to friends and Jeremy said goodbye to his athletes and they made the move to Electra and started school two days later. The boys and Jeremy lived in our RV until I was able to move with the littles on November 30.

It is no easy opening a new chapter in the book of life. The first day brings a mix of anticipation and eagerness to learn, meet new coworkers, teachers, coaches, and friends, and dive into fresh challenges. And guess what? It's been nothing short of amazing! 

Now, here's the cherry on top –the boys are doing great! As any parent will attest, seeing your children flourish and adapt to change is a priceless reward. Their resilience and ability to adjust to new schools, make new friends, and face the uncertainties that come with change have truly filled my heart with pride. Jay is loving living in a small town, Biscuit is loving basketball and Jaxon has been building his own baseball field in the backyard and his face is healing and I think we will get to avoid another surgery. Michael is making friends quickly. Maddie Jo is enjoying time at home with the mama. Jett is absolutely loving riding the [handicap] accessible bus everyday and Jeremy is adjusting nicely to a lot less duties and being home by 4:30 pm everyday!

We feel incredibly lucky and blessed to be surrounded by a supportive network of old friends and family who have been our pillars during this period of change. Their encouragement, love, and prayers have been invaluable in making this transition a beautiful experience for our entire family. We have had people help us move, clean, unpack, do construction on our new {BIG ENOUGH} house, and more! 

As my time at JTF comes to a close on December 28, my heart is filled with mixed emotions. While I am genuinely saddened at the thought of parting ways with the incredible families I've had the privilege to know, I am equally thrilled about embracing a new ministry. Seeing God's hand in every sentences of the last chapter of our lives gives me an incredible amount of peace. Change can be bittersweet, but I'm ready for the adventures and connections that await in this next beautiful joyful journey.

Change can be daunting, but it's often the catalyst for growth, both personally and professionally. Embracing the unknown, stepping into uncharted territory, and trusting the journey can lead to unexpected and wonderful outcomes. It's a reminder that life is an ever-evolving adventure, and each change is an opportunity for new experiences, challenges, and victories.

As I sit here reflecting on this transformative period, I'm filled with gratitude for the opportunities that have come our way. To anyone contemplating a change in career, considering a new job, or navigating the challenges of change, I encourage you to take that leap. It might just be the beginning of an extraordinary chapter in your life.

Avoid lingering in a space where you don't belong, resist letting others define your value, and seek a place where your contributions are genuinely appreciated. 

Here's to embracing the unknown, chasing dreams, and feeling grateful for the blessings that surround us. May your journey be filled with joy, growth, and the courage to welcome the unknown.

I know it's an overused verse but holding on strong to Jeremiah 29:11-14! !

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Stay tuned, the adventures are stopping anytime soon.

Raw Reality of Living with Grief, Joy, Pain, and Hope

Today marks 4 years since our sweet Jordan met Jesus face to face. 

I knew the pain wouldn't go away but I didn't know it would get worse. 

Losing a child and then having more children is such a complex situation. Grief in general is complex. Hope and joy radiate through Jett and Maddie Jo, also known as "The Littles" just like I remember it radiating through Jordan. They make me smile every single day. They don't know the pain that the rest of us have. Did God know that we would need them so much? Did God know that I would think I could not get out of bed, nor would I want to wake up, every single day and live in this hell, if I didn't have all my other children. He must have known. He must've known this pain that I would suffer. He must know the complex pain of a bereaved parent, or does He? 

Pastor Justin said "God wants all of us"..so the good, the bad, the ugly, the mad, the happy, the sad all of us. Thank goodness. Grieving your child brings it all out, right under the spotlight. Somedays, I can work. Somedays, I am numb. Somedays, like today, I am so angry. Life shouldn't be this way. I cried on the way to work, on the way to lunch, at work, and when I got home from work. I am sure I'll end up in the shower crying before the night is over, and that my friends, is the raw reality of grief. 

As we move on to new schools, new jobs, new communities, the harder it seems to be getting. The more people we know and the less people that know Jordan. I know he's not forgotten but my gosh it hurts when people don't acknowledge him. It's not their fault. People don't know what to say. People don't know what to do. I wish I didn't. If you're reading this and you don't know. Say their name. Acknowledge them. Remember your friend. Make your friend dinner. Text them. Call them. Anything. Just don't leave them alone, unless they want to be alone. Also, know that we don't know what we want. I told you it's complex. Let's add one more layer to the complexity they look strikingly similar. They even have the same shoes on in this picture.

Jett and Maddie Jo came into our lives shortly after Jordan went to heaven. They are the most beautiful babies I could ever ask for. To answer my own question above, He did know. He knew we would need them. Even when we said no. He said Yes. We said No. And He wrapped them up perfectly, complete with an extra chromosome for some flair and gave us the most precious gift anyone could ask for. 

We adopted Maddie Jo on May 18, 2021 (via Zoom, thanks Covid) and Jett on December 15, 2022. 

We are adjusted to having two littles in the house and it's like they have always been here. I wouldn't change anything, maybe Maddie Jo's sleeping habits but that's about it. Despite our very hard days and the pain that never subsides, I try really hard to smile. Check on your friends that are not smiling and really check on the ones that are. 

Through the grief, joy, pain, and hope life has given me, I cling to the promise of God, it's not easy. I feel like I am hanging from a 10-story building with blister-covered hands griping a frayed rope but I try to hold on for the ones that still need me here, for the ones that call me mama, for the ones I still get to hold and the ones that still cry for their baby brother. I will hold on. I will find joy in the journey.... somehow.... but it so so hard some days... just like today. 

The pain is unreal, friends. There are no words descriptive enough to accurately illustrate the pain. If you have spent any time with me the last two and half weeks I am sure you have felt the heaviness I have been carrying. Thank you for loving me through it. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for checking on me. Thank you for the grace you have extended. Thank you for the cards. Thank you for the food. Thank you for the phone calls. You know who you are. 

I started writing this on August 17, 2023, when grief waves took me under and nearly drowned me. Today, is August 18, 2023 and I woke up. I made it another year without him but not without screaming into a towel in the bottom of the shower while I was completely clothed, and not without my sister having to set my fresh clothes out on the bed for me and make sure my babies were fed,  and not without medication, and not without chest pains, and not without episodes of zoning out and loss of memory, and not without a sweet friend bringing dinner over, not without the cards and calls of encouragement. I made it another year, but not without help. I am so thankful for you that helped. Thank you Macy, Megan, Michelle, Kira, Kimberly, Amber, Angela, Hannah, Jeanne, Krista and Jaime for getting me through one more year. I hope I remembered everyone that remembered us and our sweet boy yesterday. 

If you or someone you know has lost a child from birth-99 please consider joining While We're Waiting-Support for Bereaved Parents. It is a Christian-based non-profit that provides support, care, prayers, and love needed to navigate this unpaved, unmarked, treacherous road that we are walking as grieving parents. You can find more information at www.whilewerewaiting.org