Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Goodbye Visit
I forgot to mention our last visit will be next week. It will be the official "Goodbye Visit". BM (biological mom) requested some photos of the boys. I printed some pictures off and I am going to put them in a little album for her and also let her see the Video Scrapbook that I have been creating along our journey! I am excited to show her but very nervous at the same time. Anyone have any other ideas or suggestions for the visit?
Unexpected Answered Prayers!
Wow! Time has completly gotten away from me. Its been a few weeks since my last post on here. We have been super busy. This past weekend I became lots of things all at once, mom, nurse, doctor, rocker, cook, taxi driver, laundry doer, bag packer, maid, lonely, blessed, sad, happy, excited, and so many more things. I'll start with the weekend and then back track from there. This blog is goin to be a little all over the place so if you have attention problems I apologize ahead of time! :)
Friday-My sister, Macy was nominated into the top 3 for Homecoming Queen at her high school. There is appox 260 senior girls and she was the top 3! I am so proud of her. You may not think this is a big thing because she is popular, smart, beautiful, typical "homecoming queen material", she is a member of the National Honor Society, PALS, Student Council, class officer, A Honor Roll, Cheerleading manager, Red Rythm and Blues Choir, Honors Class and thats just to name a few. Me and her well lets just say were opposite! So your proabably asking why are you so happy, or why are you surprised. Well mostly because she has Cerebral Palsey! She walks with a limp and most the time its noticeable, she can barely walk in heels but she did, all the way down the 50 yard line. She has NEVER let her dissability stop her, NEVER! She is amazing. I was so proud of her, even though she didnt win Homecoming Queen I feel like she did. She's such an inspiration. We or at least I let little things get in my way-she lets NOTHING get in her way! I love you sister!
Saturday-I spent most of the day caring for Biscuit. He was very sick and we were out of town (at homecoming festivites) and so I just babied him all day and then he got sicker and sicker-
Sunday- 10AM I decided he's had enough-I call the local walk in clinics and NONE of them take Foster Care Medicade! SERIOUSLY! So from fear that he would dehydrate before I could get him to the doctor I took him to the Emergency room. 11 very long hours later we got back to my grandparents house with no answer besides "what its not"! I have never felt so helpless in all my life, he laid there crying and screaming in pain and I couldnt fix it. It was so hard to seem him get the iv's and all the test and blood drawn. He is starting to do better today-I hope by tomorrow he will be good to go!
Monday-(here's what you been waiting on) Initial Permancy Hearing 9 AM. I get to the courtroom late..but apparantly everyone else was to because they hadnt started yet. When you go to Family Court everyone that has court that day goes and they just go case-to-case and go down they list. Well not exactly down the list much to my surprise we were last and fourth on the list! We listened to 14 CPS related cases before ours. My heart goes out to those kids. Out of all 14 we listened too, only 1 of the parents had done what she needed to do to get her kids back. At around 10:30 AM a very unexpected guest came through the courtroom doors. Michael and Christopher's mom. As my stomach sunk, and I became nauseas I closed my eyes and I prayed
"Lord, Whatever happens today give me peace that you are in control and whatever happens today I know that You have a plan for 2 amazing little boys and watch over them and this courtroom. Whatever decisions are made, please let it be in the best interest of Michael and Christopher, Amen"
I immediantly sent out a text to some friends to begin praying for the boys and for their mom and for myself. "Case Number 1B-0800-112; in the interest of Mata and Green" My nerves were shot, I was scared to death, and I thought today is the day that the judge will agree to let her have her kids back and today I will know a date when they will go home. Their mom, CPS, myself, CASA, and representatives from my agency were sworn in and the hearing had begun. It went like this:
Judge: What progress has Ms. Smith (name changed) made on her plan?
CPS: This is the first time I have seen or heard from Ms. Smith since June, she has not made any progress on her case.
Judge: Ms. Smith, do you want your kids back?
Ms. Smith: Yes I do want my kids back, I have a job and I get paid tonight and I will have enough money for a deposit on a place when I find one. But, I know the boys are right were they need to be.
-complete silence in the courtroom-
Judge: Are you saying that you want to relienquish your parental rights?
Ms. Smith: Yes, the boys will be better off in their new home.
The judge dismissed the court and we all set in shock and silence and tears rolling down our faces. WOW! God answered prayers, fast! We were dismissed and I left the courtroom and was walking down the steps of the courthouse when CPS comes running after me, "Meagan, Meagan..come back, she [biological mom] wants to talk to you." Me? Why me? Why does she want to talk to me? I agreed to talk to her. I walked in a room surrounded by 4 CPS works, 4 CASA workers, 2 sherriffs, 1 attorney and about 4-5 people standing behind a glass door watching for the hall way. Our [bio mom and mine] eyes met and we both started crying. I introduced myself and she began to sob and tell me "Thank You" over and over again. Thank me? Thank YOU! She game me a chance to be a mom, a cook, a nurse, a doctor, a taxi driver, a boo boo kisser, a laundry doer, a bag packer, a maid, to be blessed! She gave the boys a chance to have a normal life. A chance. She said things to me like:
"I will never be able to give them what you have given them the last 6 months"
"They love you"
"You can love them"
"I want them to be good people"
"You are a good person"
"I know this is best for them"
I can not begin to imagine what she must feel like. I am at a loss for words. I have thought a lot about what I would say to her if I ever got the chance to be the boys forever mom. I told her "Thank You" I told her had grateful I am that she is giving me the chance to be a mom. I promised her I would take care of the boys forever, that they have a loving family they will belong in and be a part of. I told her how unselfish she was by giving her boys a chance.
Its so strange I thought I would be jumping with joy and screaming from the rooftops but I am not, I am very excited and happy but its bittersweet. I feel so bad for her. She signed the papers at 2 pm, yesterday, September 27th.
When I saw the boys after the hearing and Michael said "Hi Mommy!" it was a totally different feeling. It was indescribable. My heart melted and I just wanted to hold them and never let them go!
Most of you may be wondering what about the dads. Well one dad is incarcarated. The other doesnt want the baby. We should be good to go and move on with the adoption by January 24th.
Thank you to all of those who have prayed and have continued to pray. Its only by God's power that we have 2 amazing boys that we will be able to call ours forever! We had cake and ice cream today to celebrate and I cant wait till we get to celebrate the Adoption Day!
Friday-My sister, Macy was nominated into the top 3 for Homecoming Queen at her high school. There is appox 260 senior girls and she was the top 3! I am so proud of her. You may not think this is a big thing because she is popular, smart, beautiful, typical "homecoming queen material", she is a member of the National Honor Society, PALS, Student Council, class officer, A Honor Roll, Cheerleading manager, Red Rythm and Blues Choir, Honors Class and thats just to name a few. Me and her well lets just say were opposite! So your proabably asking why are you so happy, or why are you surprised. Well mostly because she has Cerebral Palsey! She walks with a limp and most the time its noticeable, she can barely walk in heels but she did, all the way down the 50 yard line. She has NEVER let her dissability stop her, NEVER! She is amazing. I was so proud of her, even though she didnt win Homecoming Queen I feel like she did. She's such an inspiration. We or at least I let little things get in my way-she lets NOTHING get in her way! I love you sister!
Saturday-I spent most of the day caring for Biscuit. He was very sick and we were out of town (at homecoming festivites) and so I just babied him all day and then he got sicker and sicker-
Sunday- 10AM I decided he's had enough-I call the local walk in clinics and NONE of them take Foster Care Medicade! SERIOUSLY! So from fear that he would dehydrate before I could get him to the doctor I took him to the Emergency room. 11 very long hours later we got back to my grandparents house with no answer besides "what its not"! I have never felt so helpless in all my life, he laid there crying and screaming in pain and I couldnt fix it. It was so hard to seem him get the iv's and all the test and blood drawn. He is starting to do better today-I hope by tomorrow he will be good to go!
Monday-(here's what you been waiting on) Initial Permancy Hearing 9 AM. I get to the courtroom late..but apparantly everyone else was to because they hadnt started yet. When you go to Family Court everyone that has court that day goes and they just go case-to-case and go down they list. Well not exactly down the list much to my surprise we were last and fourth on the list! We listened to 14 CPS related cases before ours. My heart goes out to those kids. Out of all 14 we listened too, only 1 of the parents had done what she needed to do to get her kids back. At around 10:30 AM a very unexpected guest came through the courtroom doors. Michael and Christopher's mom. As my stomach sunk, and I became nauseas I closed my eyes and I prayed
"Lord, Whatever happens today give me peace that you are in control and whatever happens today I know that You have a plan for 2 amazing little boys and watch over them and this courtroom. Whatever decisions are made, please let it be in the best interest of Michael and Christopher, Amen"
I immediantly sent out a text to some friends to begin praying for the boys and for their mom and for myself. "Case Number 1B-0800-112; in the interest of Mata and Green" My nerves were shot, I was scared to death, and I thought today is the day that the judge will agree to let her have her kids back and today I will know a date when they will go home. Their mom, CPS, myself, CASA, and representatives from my agency were sworn in and the hearing had begun. It went like this:
Judge: What progress has Ms. Smith (name changed) made on her plan?
CPS: This is the first time I have seen or heard from Ms. Smith since June, she has not made any progress on her case.
Judge: Ms. Smith, do you want your kids back?
Ms. Smith: Yes I do want my kids back, I have a job and I get paid tonight and I will have enough money for a deposit on a place when I find one. But, I know the boys are right were they need to be.
-complete silence in the courtroom-
Judge: Are you saying that you want to relienquish your parental rights?
Ms. Smith: Yes, the boys will be better off in their new home.
The judge dismissed the court and we all set in shock and silence and tears rolling down our faces. WOW! God answered prayers, fast! We were dismissed and I left the courtroom and was walking down the steps of the courthouse when CPS comes running after me, "Meagan, Meagan..come back, she [biological mom] wants to talk to you." Me? Why me? Why does she want to talk to me? I agreed to talk to her. I walked in a room surrounded by 4 CPS works, 4 CASA workers, 2 sherriffs, 1 attorney and about 4-5 people standing behind a glass door watching for the hall way. Our [bio mom and mine] eyes met and we both started crying. I introduced myself and she began to sob and tell me "Thank You" over and over again. Thank me? Thank YOU! She game me a chance to be a mom, a cook, a nurse, a doctor, a taxi driver, a boo boo kisser, a laundry doer, a bag packer, a maid, to be blessed! She gave the boys a chance to have a normal life. A chance. She said things to me like:
"I will never be able to give them what you have given them the last 6 months"
"They love you"
"You can love them"
"I want them to be good people"
"You are a good person"
"I know this is best for them"
I can not begin to imagine what she must feel like. I am at a loss for words. I have thought a lot about what I would say to her if I ever got the chance to be the boys forever mom. I told her "Thank You" I told her had grateful I am that she is giving me the chance to be a mom. I promised her I would take care of the boys forever, that they have a loving family they will belong in and be a part of. I told her how unselfish she was by giving her boys a chance.
Its so strange I thought I would be jumping with joy and screaming from the rooftops but I am not, I am very excited and happy but its bittersweet. I feel so bad for her. She signed the papers at 2 pm, yesterday, September 27th.
When I saw the boys after the hearing and Michael said "Hi Mommy!" it was a totally different feeling. It was indescribable. My heart melted and I just wanted to hold them and never let them go!
Most of you may be wondering what about the dads. Well one dad is incarcarated. The other doesnt want the baby. We should be good to go and move on with the adoption by January 24th.
Thank you to all of those who have prayed and have continued to pray. Its only by God's power that we have 2 amazing boys that we will be able to call ours forever! We had cake and ice cream today to celebrate and I cant wait till we get to celebrate the Adoption Day!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Josh and Shannan's Wedding Pictures
Pictures of Shannan and Josh's wedding in Colorado. Also first time for some of the family to meet the boys. We had a great time and soooo happy the pictures are finally here!
Thanks-Aunt Shannan! 
Shannan and I on her big day! She was beautiful and I am so glad I got to be a part of it!
Shannan and I on her big day! She was beautiful and I am so glad I got to be a part of it! 
The wedding party and the bride and grooms favorite thing, VW Van!
I was behind her, helping her get her dress on. I thought this looked funny!
Not sure what I was doing here!?
She was so beautiful!
Our family and the bride and groom!
Nana Star holding Biscuit. He was so good during the wedding and the reception!
Jonathan hogging the dance floor!
All the kiddo's getting ready.
The Bride and Jonathan!
Shannan and Joshua Dewey (hints the name) and Jonathan.What's in a name?
Well things are looking pretty good! Our chances of adopting our boys gets better and better everyday we have started thinking about names for the boys. We are changing their middles names to begin with a letter D like every other man/boy in the Kirk family! We were hoping their initials would be JDK but were not changing their first names. So thanks everyone who gave me their input on facebook! The names we have chosen are
Jonathan Dewey Kirk- when we asked Jonathan want he wanted his name to be this is what he said.
Michael Douglas Kirk- Douglas is after my grandpa
Christopher Dace Kirk - It was between Davis and Dace and we picked Dace
*Subject to change! Just thought it would be fun to have an idea!
Jonathan Dewey Kirk- when we asked Jonathan want he wanted his name to be this is what he said.
Michael Douglas Kirk- Douglas is after my grandpa
Christopher Dace Kirk - It was between Davis and Dace and we picked Dace
*Subject to change! Just thought it would be fun to have an idea!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
maybe this isn't for me...
Maybe fostering isnt for us. At least long term fostering, maybe we should only do emergency or short term. Maybe I need to start praying and stop doubting..
the last 24 hours..
Wow, has it been a rough 24 hours! For those of you who dont know, I can't disclose any information, at least not right now. For those of you do know, thank you for your prayers and keep them coming, PLEASE!
So we went to court today and it was bitter sweet. Bitter-termination wasn't granted today, Sweet-We are one step closer to being done. The biomom is going to be "served papers" in the newspaper because they can not locate her anywhere and she has 45 days to respond and if she doesnt respond then termination will be granted.
We have really had an eye opener the last 24 hours and I really do not understand some people. Lesssons learned, you can not trust anyone and its so hard because I want to trust everyone, I believe for some reason that everyone is using their coinscience and/or brain, but apparantly not. I love my sons more than anything in the world and I am appalled that anyone would think anything less than that. I love my boys and so does my very Godly husband and I hope that we have instilled the Truth, Gods love, our love, and what a family should be like in their minds and hearts.
Thank you Lord for blessing me, an undesrving, unworthy person with three absolutley amazing foster children that I pray someday we will be able to say "Welcome Home" babies. Thank you Lord for giving me one more day with these children. Amen.
So we went to court today and it was bitter sweet. Bitter-termination wasn't granted today, Sweet-We are one step closer to being done. The biomom is going to be "served papers" in the newspaper because they can not locate her anywhere and she has 45 days to respond and if she doesnt respond then termination will be granted.
We have really had an eye opener the last 24 hours and I really do not understand some people. Lesssons learned, you can not trust anyone and its so hard because I want to trust everyone, I believe for some reason that everyone is using their coinscience and/or brain, but apparantly not. I love my sons more than anything in the world and I am appalled that anyone would think anything less than that. I love my boys and so does my very Godly husband and I hope that we have instilled the Truth, Gods love, our love, and what a family should be like in their minds and hearts.
Thank you Lord for blessing me, an undesrving, unworthy person with three absolutley amazing foster children that I pray someday we will be able to say "Welcome Home" babies. Thank you Lord for giving me one more day with these children. Amen.
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