Monday, March 18, 2024

I know how this story ends...

I've been wrestling with words for days, trying to articulate my thoughts, actions, and emotions. It's been a mental battle of whether to speak up or stay silent, and how to release myself from the grip of a situation that doesn't deserve my time or energy. Few things irk me as much as having my integrity questioned.

Last night, while reviewing numbers for future grant proposals, it dawned on me: I don't have to fight this battle alone. The war is already won. My worth isn't tied to others' opinions of me. I've often reminded others of this truth, even my own children, yet struggled to believe it for myself. If you're grappling with a similar battle, hear this: "GOD HAS ALREADY WON THE WAR!" That doesn't mean we can simply quit mid-battle, but it's a powerful reminder that the outcome is assured.



Do these reminders always come at the right time? Not necessarily. In fact, I could have used this reassurance three months ago, sparing myself many difficult days.

While many may perceive my life as chaotic, it's actually structured to manage the chaos. However, when one aspect falls into disarray, it impacts every other facet. I always understood this conceptually, but recent events drove it home in a profound way.

As some of you may know from following my journey, I embarked on a nursing position at Hospice of Wichita Falls, a dream fulfilled. But what I hadn't anticipated was the psychological toll of caring for terminally ill patients. Despite my initial readiness, the reality proved overwhelming.

In a matter of weeks, life threw multiple curveballs: my daughter started school with a new nurse, my husband was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, my son faced health complications requiring surgery, and illness struck our household. Amidst this turmoil, I found myself confronting PTSD-like episodes triggered by the sight of morphine vials, reminiscent of past traumas. The dream job rapidly morphed into a nightmare.

Yet, amidst the chaos, there were moments of clarity. My supervisor's empathy, my husband's unwavering support—they provided a lifeline. With their encouragement, I made the difficult decision to step away from hospice care, recognizing that my well-being mattered.

Less than 24 hours later, an unexpected opportunity arose: teaching nursing classes at Vernon College. Despite reservations, I embraced this new path—and found fulfillment beyond expectation.

God has won the war.

In hindsight, I see divine intervention weaving through the chaos. With my family's health restored and a job I love, I've reclaimed a sense of peace. I can tackle household chores, set boundaries, and prioritize self-care.

Moreover, Jeremy and I are channeling our grief into something positive: establishing a nonprofit in our son's memory, the Joy Project Network. It's a testament to the joy he brought into our lives and a commitment to preserving his legacy.

God has won the war.

I'm reminded that amidst life's uncertainties, He will not forsake us. It's in letting go of what no longer serves us and embracing new beginnings. As I navigate this journey, I hold onto the truth that the war is already won, bringing solace amidst the chaos.

"I know how this story ends..." -Shane and Shane


For more information about Joy Project Network, please visit our Facebook page. 

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or thoughts of suicide or harming yourself, call or text: 988. 


Friday, January 12, 2024

Embracing the Hospice Journey: Part II

 As I sit down to put my thoughts into words after a full week of training and orientation. I find myself on the cusp of a new chapter in my life—a chapter that is both daunting and incredibly rewarding. 

Today, I am thrilled to share the news that I have accepted a position as a nurse at the Hospice of Wichita Falls. The journey to this point has been a rollercoaster of emotions, but it feels like my "hospice journey" has come full circle, bringing with it a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment.





The decision to embark on this path was not an easy one. The mere thought of stepping into a role where I would be dealing with the complexities of life's end was intimidating. However, my personal experience with Hospice of Wichita Falls played a pivotal role in shaping my perspective. It was a journey marked by the unwavering support of incredible individuals—Nina, Jeannette, and the entire hospice team.

The journey began with the unimaginable: navigating through the final moments of my own son’s life. Our family found ourselves in the compassionate care of Hospice of Wichita Falls during the challenging times with Jordan. What was an overwhelmingly painful experience turned into something unexpectedly beautiful. Nina and Jeannette, with their empathy and professionalism, not only eased our pain but also helped us find moments of beauty in the midst of the profound sadness, in not just my experience but the experience of  43 other people that got to be a part of Jordan’s homecoming. Their dedication, coupled with the holistic approach of the hospice team, transformed the process into a profound and meaningful experience for everyone that night. It wasn’t until months later that I experienced the true essence of hospice care—an unwavering commitment to providing comfort, dignity, and support to both the patient and our entire family.


Now, as I take on the role of a nurse at Hospice of Wichita Falls, I am humbled and still find myself pinching to ensure that I am not dreaming. The opportunity to be a part of this ministry feels like a calling—one that beckons me to contribute to the legacy of compassionate care that touched our lives so deeply.


The road ahead will undoubtedly be challenging. The emotions that come with end-of-life care are complex, and each day will bring its own set of trials, which I will count it all joy. Yet, in the face of difficulty, I am fortified by the knowledge that I am not alone. After just a week of training I am confidant that I am part of a team—a family, really—that understands the importance of empathy, compassion, and the profound impact that genuine care can have on those facing life's final journey.


As I step into this new role, I carry with me the lessons learned during my own family's hospice experience. It is a unique perspective that fuels my determination to make a difference in the lives of others. The hospice journey has come full circle, and I am ready to embrace it, armed with the understanding that even in the most challenging moments, there is an opportunity to bring comfort, peace, and moments of beauty.


So here's to new beginnings, to embracing the unknown, and to being a part of something much larger than myself. I am filled with gratitude, excited for the journey ahead, and ready to make a meaningful impact—one patient, one family, and one moment at a time.



Just shy of five years ago I wrote an entry about our personal hospice journey in hopes to educate others, especially about Pediatric Hospice: http://meaganandjeremykirk.blogspot.com/2019/03/when-being-strong-isnt-enough-unspoken.html?m=1


Saturday, January 6, 2024

Affirming Choices Through a Game-Changing Complaint



Recently, someone said, “The problem with Meagan is she wants to do mission work.” Those words lingered in my mind, making me ponder whether pursuing our purpose is truly a problem. Shouldn't using our gifts to further the Kingdom be our calling?
 

In the quest to understand our life's mission, reflections become essential. Since facing the loss of Jordan, I've sought to embrace trials joyfully, and live by James 1:2-4. Even in the toughest moments, finding joy, however elusive, brings perseverance, a testament to God's faithfulness.


God spoke the word "International" to be several times over the last few months, leaving me uncertain of its meaning. While I secretly hoped for a physical move, God had a different plan, a surprising and amazing direction for our family. Despite not fully comprehending "INTERNATIONAL," I've learned not to hesitate when encountering international opportunities.


A recent Facebook scroll led me to a desperate post from a mother stranded in Mexico with her special needs daughter facing a critical health situation. 



Immediately, my mind raced, trying to figure out how I could help.


Here's the revelation: your purpose may be unfolding in your daily life, not necessarily in grand gestures but in meaningful actions aligned with God's plan.


Because I’m trying to obedient and my recent time spent  at the border the post caught my eye because she was in Mexico. 


Because of my job as an ED at a medical non-profit I am have developed friendships with 100’s of parents raising special need children and belong to SN parent groups everywhere. Which is how I stumbled on the friend’s FB post. 


Because I am a nurse and my knowledge in the medical field I knew how urgent the situation is. 


Because I am a special needs mom I know first hand the fear that set in when your child is sick. 


Now for the best part… 


Because I was a part time exchange student coordinator, 8 years ago, I met a teenage boy from Mexico, who is now a doctor, who I still talk too, and he was able to help me, help her, help her daughter. 


This incident affirms that every season of life has a purpose, contributing to a grander design. Mission work isn't always about crossing borders, feeding the hungry, building huts or installing water pumps, although all of those things are amazing and life changing; sometimes, it's about keeping your eyes open to opportunities right in front of you.


1 Peter encourages us to use our gifts to serve others. By not wasting our God-given gifts, we fulfill our purpose and contribute to advancing the Kingdom. Your mission may be unfolding in the ordinary, so hold on, for it might get wild, but it's undoubtedly part of a divine plan.


Remember, we are just in charge of obedience, God is in charge of the results.


If my problem is doing mission work I don’t mind having a problem.