lost in the outfield.

What's your name? Do you have a purpose in life? Are you lost?


This is a more personal blog, so feel free to skip over it, if you want, it wont hurt my feelings.

Hi, my name is Coach Kirk's wife and I don't work, I just stay at home all day with the kids.

Yeah, yeah I know some of you are thinking being a SAHM (stay at home mom) is hard work and I wont disagree, its tough, really tough, so tough sometimes I get lost in who I am. When people define me I am usually Coach Kirk's wife, or the coach's wife with all the little boys. I am proud of that don't get me wrong, but I have a name, its Meagan, incase you didn't know. I have a passion and its to help those in need. I have a job, its mom, its flexible, its full time, fun, free, and really lonely sometimes. I love being a SAHM. I love being able to go to all the school functions and being readily available but a part of me is missing. The part that use to serve. Served the needy, served the elderly, served the orphans, served the young mothers, served the shut ins, simply served other women. Where in life did I get lost? Was it moving from somewhere where it was easy and all that was facilitated for me? I just showed up and served. Was it when I had a baby and priorities changed. Where? What happened to that part of my life that all the sudden is gone and was/is so important to me. Purposeless. Worthless. Considering going back to work is a huge decision for our family that we are trying to make, the only reason I want to go back to work is so that I can make a difference in someone else's life. I will only go back to work if I can go to work at the school with the boys. I KNOW my purpose is to raise them to be healthy, strong, faithful, children and I am honored that the Lord would give me that responsibility but I want to make a difference in the community where I live and in the people I have relationships with. Jeremy [the coach] job is so important, he is making last effects on tons of students everyday and I am so grateful that I am blessed with such a Godly man that impacts so many in a positive way! People tell me often how he has impacted their children and I feel like I am wasting time sitting at home when I could be making an impact too!

I am in prayer that God will show me the path He wants me to take, weather that be going to work at the school, or going back to school, staying home with my kids, starting a safe place for women to retreat and fellowship, or establishing healthy relationships with a group of local moms for support. So many avenues we can take and yet the Lord knows the perfect path for us.

Just when I thought this season was almost over..

Monday, January 13th we walked into Cook Children's Hospital one year after we were rushed there via ambulance with a tiny 4 pound baby. This time was different.. 22 pound, 27 inch long healthy ONE year old! AHHHH!! I still cant believe he is one already!! Anyways--we were going for his GI 6 month follow up and Dr. Cantu released him from his care! YAY!! He discontinued Jaxon's meds and his high calorie  formula on to regular cows milk. I quietly (ok maybe not quietly) chanted "yeah, we never have to come back and see Dr. Cantu"..oops.. that may have been a bit rude, oh well, I was excited and thrilled that my once 4 pound failure to thrive baby was being discharged from one of his specialist!

Now Thursday January 16th we go in for his one year check up while we were at the doctor I mentioned his last ER visit because of discoloration in his feet, he took a quick listed to his heart and quickly recommended us to a pediatric cardiologist. Hold it together Meagan, slow your own heart down before you have an episode right here in front of the doctor! Breeeeath, its going to be ok. My mind obviously racing with our history of heart problems I am just silently praying that he hasn't inherited any of our lovely hearts! So we leave the doctors off and now...we...wait. Wait for Cook Children's to call and schedules us with yet another specialist. In the meantime Jaxon will also be seeing a Neurologist (same one as Michael's, thank goodness) in March. He has come along way since he started physical therapy but not quiet there yet. Since he was preemie and had a small brain bleed at birth, everyone feels like it would be a good idea to look a little deeper considering the muscle tone problems he has now.