Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Changing out our wardrobe for a new season!

When the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you don't know how much more you can take. It happens. You lose it. Gone. Patience, sanity, rational thoughts, everything, you lose it all! Breath. It's ok. You will make it. You will be ok.

Just when you think you can't go on anymore someone will come along and pick you up. It may be the person you least expect to, it may be your go to person. Just don't go through it alone. Find that person, hang on to them, and most importantly appreciate them.

Life is full of ups and downs, mine especially. I am never sure what my life will hold from day to day. I am thankful that I have an extraordinary support system. My kids keep me going everyday, they are my motivation for life. I often look at pictures of them and I am shocked that God has given me the responsibility to take care of all of these boys but what an honor. I am so grateful for all of them, for the people that have prayed for me to make it through our hospital stays, long days of nursing school, ARD meetings, baseball, football, and then life in general. I have LOST IT more times than I would like to admit.

This month has been hard. This year has been the hardest year that I have been through.

In January, Jordan's health started to decline and recently we have received a discouraging report from Jordan's neurologist. Without going into much detail we are celebrating every day, week, month we have with Jordan and he will continue to write his own story. We made it through February with one hospitalization after Jordan had a neurological event and left him non-responsive. A week prior I was hospitalized for kidney stones and a refluxed kidney. In March, Michael started a series of Neuro-Psych testing at Cook Children's which did not reveal anything that we didn't already know. April Jordan ended up in the hospital again. May we finished off baseball season deep in to the playoffs and I spend 2 weeks in Europe (which warrants a complete blog post in its own!). June I started my last semester of nursing school and then end of June we had some major unexpected changes.

June 27, the athletic director from Nocona ISD called Jeremy and they visited for a while and discussed the options of Jeremy becoming the Head Baseball Coach for the Indians. On Friday the 29th, Jeremy went for an interview and was offered the job. We searched for a house, found one, and signed the papers, in fear we would lose the ONE housing option we had in this small Texas town.
Saturday June 30th Jeremy resigned from Iowa Park CISD and accepted the position at Nocona.

I cried. A lot. Every day. Actually, I still cry.

Then Monday July 2nd, we lost our house. The landlord said we had "too many kids" which he knew how many we had when we filled out the paperwork so I am not sure why he changed his mind. Said it was a law.. however, its not, I did my research, because we NEEDED that house. So we frantically tried finding another one, which we did. It is much smaller but we are making it work. I thought losing that house was God's way of answering my prayer to close the door to Nocona. I did not want to leave Iowa Park. But I was wrong. We found our current house a few days later, signed the papers, and Jeremy and the boys moved in a week later.

Jordan took a downhill turn, was care flighted to Cook Children's and spent four days in the hospital.

Jordan and I stayed in Iowa Park while I finished nursing school and then we joined the rest of the family 2 weeks ago. The move to Nocona has been the most difficult move we have ever been through in our coaching life. I have learned to lean on God completely in this area of my life. My joy was gone, my happiness was gone, I didn't want to be here, I wanted to go home {to Iowa Park} but God wants me with my family and if my family is here, then here I am. Making friends has always been pretty easy for me, not this time. My heart is bitter and aching and I am praying every single day that it will be broken for whatever reason God wants us here in Nocona. I will serve. I will give. I will do whatever I need to do to be a vessel used by God in a place that selfishly I don't want to be but if I can be used by God I will forever be thankful for Nocona, Texas. My daily prayer is that we can be used for a greater purpose here and that I grow to love Nocona like I have loved Iowa Park.

We have found a great church in Bowie that we all look forward to going to and are anxious to get our hands dirty and start serving on some of their amazing ministry teams (like Ronald McDonald house, yeaahh!).

Praying for a break. A break through. A change of heart as we change out our wardrobe from Iowa Park green to Nocona orange! I will praise Him in this storm. For He is who he is, no matter where I am.

And somewhere in all of that I graduated nursing school and now I am waiting to take my state board exams, which should be coming up soon! I am catching up on the last year that I have been MIA and enjoying late night Netflix movies, dinner with the boys, signing folders, and doing laundry. Oh!, and we have a Dairy Queen, so I have had a few Reese's Blizzards too!

So that wraps up our year so far in a nutshell and we're looking forward to a new beginning! Be strong because things will get better, it may be stormy now but the rain won't last forever.












3 comments:

Jenny J. said...

I am so INCREDIBLY proud of you. You have been challenged at many turns and always find the strength to pick yourself up, knock off the dirt, and shine again. You are an incredible woman,Momma, friend , and now... NURSE!!! .....SO PROUD OF YOU.
Luv ya'.

Meagan and Jeremy Kirk said...

Thank you! I am a work in progress for sure! ❤️

Molly Gray said...

Covering you with prayer in this stormy season. You are an amazing mom, wife, Christian sister! No doubt you will be a great nurse too soon! Love you!