lost in the outfield.

What's your name? Do you have a purpose in life? Are you lost?


This is a more personal blog, so feel free to skip over it, if you want, it wont hurt my feelings.

Hi, my name is Coach Kirk's wife and I don't work, I just stay at home all day with the kids.

Yeah, yeah I know some of you are thinking being a SAHM (stay at home mom) is hard work and I wont disagree, its tough, really tough, so tough sometimes I get lost in who I am. When people define me I am usually Coach Kirk's wife, or the coach's wife with all the little boys. I am proud of that don't get me wrong, but I have a name, its Meagan, incase you didn't know. I have a passion and its to help those in need. I have a job, its mom, its flexible, its full time, fun, free, and really lonely sometimes. I love being a SAHM. I love being able to go to all the school functions and being readily available but a part of me is missing. The part that use to serve. Served the needy, served the elderly, served the orphans, served the young mothers, served the shut ins, simply served other women. Where in life did I get lost? Was it moving from somewhere where it was easy and all that was facilitated for me? I just showed up and served. Was it when I had a baby and priorities changed. Where? What happened to that part of my life that all the sudden is gone and was/is so important to me. Purposeless. Worthless. Considering going back to work is a huge decision for our family that we are trying to make, the only reason I want to go back to work is so that I can make a difference in someone else's life. I will only go back to work if I can go to work at the school with the boys. I KNOW my purpose is to raise them to be healthy, strong, faithful, children and I am honored that the Lord would give me that responsibility but I want to make a difference in the community where I live and in the people I have relationships with. Jeremy [the coach] job is so important, he is making last effects on tons of students everyday and I am so grateful that I am blessed with such a Godly man that impacts so many in a positive way! People tell me often how he has impacted their children and I feel like I am wasting time sitting at home when I could be making an impact too!

I am in prayer that God will show me the path He wants me to take, weather that be going to work at the school, or going back to school, staying home with my kids, starting a safe place for women to retreat and fellowship, or establishing healthy relationships with a group of local moms for support. So many avenues we can take and yet the Lord knows the perfect path for us.

Just when I thought this season was almost over..

Monday, January 13th we walked into Cook Children's Hospital one year after we were rushed there via ambulance with a tiny 4 pound baby. This time was different.. 22 pound, 27 inch long healthy ONE year old! AHHHH!! I still cant believe he is one already!! Anyways--we were going for his GI 6 month follow up and Dr. Cantu released him from his care! YAY!! He discontinued Jaxon's meds and his high calorie  formula on to regular cows milk. I quietly (ok maybe not quietly) chanted "yeah, we never have to come back and see Dr. Cantu"..oops.. that may have been a bit rude, oh well, I was excited and thrilled that my once 4 pound failure to thrive baby was being discharged from one of his specialist!

Now Thursday January 16th we go in for his one year check up while we were at the doctor I mentioned his last ER visit because of discoloration in his feet, he took a quick listed to his heart and quickly recommended us to a pediatric cardiologist. Hold it together Meagan, slow your own heart down before you have an episode right here in front of the doctor! Breeeeath, its going to be ok. My mind obviously racing with our history of heart problems I am just silently praying that he hasn't inherited any of our lovely hearts! So we leave the doctors off and now...we...wait. Wait for Cook Children's to call and schedules us with yet another specialist. In the meantime Jaxon will also be seeing a Neurologist (same one as Michael's, thank goodness) in March. He has come along way since he started physical therapy but not quiet there yet. Since he was preemie and had a small brain bleed at birth, everyone feels like it would be a good idea to look a little deeper considering the muscle tone problems he has now.

Reviewing the play!

Sorry team, I haven't been very good at posting! Christmas time is crazy at our house. We have 7 Christmas celebration and we've probably driven over 500 miles, were finally back home, tree is down, laundry is [getting] caught up and momma is ready for school to be back in session! 

I had no idea how many people would even take the time to read my lousy written blog and who it would impact, those of you who read it and even the one who read it from the very beginning I just want to say thank you! Thank you for sharing your response with me, it means so much to me that our lives make some kind of positive impact on just one person. 

One of our major updates is with Jay and he is doing great! He started a new medication and while we cant tell much of a difference at home its working at school which is where he struggles the most. I have seen a huge difference in his behaviors at home and the way we parent him has changed dramatically as well. I finally can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We feel like our very hard time being there was so worth and were so happy with the progress he continues to make everyday. He will continue therapy once a week and see his regular doctor every 3 months for follow ups. He is enjoying school, family time, friends and he has even been the water boy for the basketball team a couple of times.  

Michael is doing pretty good. He is struggling in school and he has started occupational and physical therapy 2 times per week through the school. [which I am so grateful for] We have a follow up on the 13th with his neurologist and hopefully we can get some insight as to whats going on with his development. He enjoyed Christmas so much and just couldnt believe all the present he got! 

Biscuit..ooohh Biscuit. He is a character, always has been, always will be! He is enjoying riding the bus with the basketball team and daddy. He is wrapped around his daddy's finger. He has a new friend, Clara Grace, that I have been watching over Christmas break and they have really hit it off, he loves having someone his age/size to play with! 

Jaxon has learned so much lately! He has learned to wave and to blow kisses! I love when he learns new things and imitates us! He is at such a fun age! The boys sure have loved spending time together during Christmas break and this momma could get used to have everyone home all day too [mainly daddy]! 

Now you may be wondering why the title to this post is "Reviewing the play!" well.. here goes nothing. Laying my heart out there for everyone to judge [human nature, its ok, I understand] but we know what our calling is and we have faith that the Lord will provide all things we need, including patience! So here it goes, you may want to grab a cup of coffee and put on your comfy pants!------- December 18th I got a phone call from a DFW number and I answered it expecting it to be the hospital/doctor, boy was I wrong. A young sobbing mom was on the other end, Jay's biological mom, R. I just knew something bad had happened, she proceeded to beg me to take her other two children, T1 (a three year old boy) and T2 (an 18 month old GIRL!!!!) so that they wouldn't go into foster care. When we adopted our children we promised to ourselves and the boys that we would do whatever we could to protect their (the boys) brothers and/or sisters when and if the time ever came--well the time is here--I made a quick call to Jeremy to see what he thought and his response was "what time do we pick them up?" By this time CPS CW (caseworker) had calls with the very few details she could share with me. We say yes and she says "I will call you in a bit to tell you what time to get the kids."... and.... we...wait... we try to gather things, like beds, and clothes, car seats, toys, etc. She finally calls back, CPS decided to place them elsewhere, in a foster home. We were shocked and dumbfounded. CPS's goal is to keep kids out of foster care and we were willing to take them, why aren't they coming home with us!?! We will never know. 

Fast Forward to today! 

Another DFW phone number pops up--I barely recognize it, I answer. "Mrs. Kirk, this is Tina from CPS" umm yes maam?- Well the kids court hearing was today and the judge has decided that we could take the children as a kinship placement, wait, what?!? oh em gee! So we said yes AGAIN and now we wait on CPS to come do a home study with us and then they will move the kids to our house. We will hopefully know more details in 1-2 more weeks. For now, we pray, a lot, and start getting bows, beds, toys, and new clothes for the little ones that don't have much! 

We know people are going to think "its too much for them" or "they should focus on the kids they have" or "I don't know how they can do that" or "they are going to overwhelm themselves" and I understand all those concerns and comments but unless you have walked in our shoes please just consider supporting us instead of criticizing our choices. I know it may seem "impossible" or "stupid" to some but when your doing what God calls you to do, He makes a way of making things a lot easier than they appear to be to everyone else. Now that its all out there feel free to judge us or support us, either way I know it will be in love and I do not expect everyone to understand and that is ok, that's why were all called to do something different.