1.4 What to Expect When You're Expecting

Congratulations, your done with training!!

This post will not apply to everyone, well at least right now, you may have to come back at a later date!

Judgement & Ignorance.

This is a tough one. A tough one to write, talk about and prepare another parent, because let's get real, who likes to be judged or deal with ignorant people? Dictionary.com says the definition of ignorance is the lack of knowledge or information. During your training your trainer may have said something, a statistic, a rule, a law, an expectation that completely shocked you. Unless you grew up in foster care it's highly likely that you were ignorant, to an extent, about how foster care actually works. Relax, it's ok, you can admit you don't know everything but now that you have been properly educated you have much more knowledge and understanding of the foster care system! Now the hard part is to remember that no one else is educated as much as you are now. Remembering that people are ignorant can help you cope with most of the judgement and ignorance you are going to encounter.

You may have heard things like
"Oh I could never do that, I'd get to attached!"
I used to take offense to that, it's kind of like someone saying  you won't get attached or they they would love a child more than you.
Don't take offense. This is one of those ignorant comments, in your head you can scream at them and reply with "Oh yeah well IT AINT ABOUT YOU!!" often I reply with "I'll go through the greif and pain any day to save a child from the pain they are going through." Most of the time it's like a light bulb goes off when you say that and sometimes it doesn't. And when it doesn't stop the conversation right there and realize that the person your talking to does not "get it". It's hard to explain what it means when someone "gets it", I'll leave that up to you to decide what that means, you'll find out, it's just a matter of time.

Another comment you may here is "I would want to kill their "real" parents for hurting them [the child in care]!" Yep, from time to time I've wanted to shake a few of them, again, you'll learn with the who is worth expaining yourself too. I also respond "Everyone deserves a second chance and I love to be the bridge that can put a family back together!"

This list could go on forever but I want to touch on the judgement you will more than likely encounter and it will be from the people you least expect! First, they are NOT judging your parenting, usually they are just worried about you. If you have signed up for this chaotic world of fostering YOU are probably selfless, YOU don't think of yourself often so others feel like that have to look out for you. And while this person may have very good intentions it come be perceived as harsh and you may feel like said person thinks you are not capable of this mission. I have been through this with more people than I can count, as a matter of fact that is exactly why we didn't announce our news until we were already licensed, waiting for the call! So how do you deal with it? Let them help you, yes you did the training and prepared for months but you WILL get tired, openly admit that you know it's going to be tough and you would love their support. Also pray that your ready and seeking God's will and then you can say with confidence you know that God will give you the tools you need to be the best foster parent you can be!

Personally for us, we know 100% this is God's calling for our life! With that said it's much easier to not worry about those judging us. I mean, who can argue with God?! I am often reminded of several verses from Psalms to "defend the weak and fatherless" or in Proverbs where the Bible talks about knowing what we need to do after our eyes are opened and of course in Matthew it says "with God all things are possible!" Surround yourself with supportive friends and family and do not discuss  stress due to foster care with this that do not support your decision. Just because we know this is God's calling for us we also know that it will not be easy, we will need God and our friend to help us complete this mission!

1.5- What To Expect When Your Expecting

Waiting...

And waiting...

Still waiting.

Phone rings, this might be THE CALL!?

IT IS THE CALL!!

The case manager says they have a 2 year old, boy, Hispanic (maybe?), from Taylor county, will you take him?

Yep that's it, that's all the info your going to get and hopefully it's accurate! I've had some Hispanics show up at my door that are blonde, blue eyes, and ghostly white skin. Unfortunately not all of the 4 details you thought you knew about the child are correct!

Some come with lots of medications, no medical history, some with lots of clothes and some with only a diaper. Some with bruises. Some hungry. Some dirty. Some clean. Some appear to have been taken care. One thing in common is they ALL come with the need to be loved. 

Now you've waited 15 minutes for your new toddler to arrive or maybe you received more notice and have had 2 days to prepare. Regardless, your door bell is going to ring soon and on the other side of the door is going to be a child that will impact your life forever. 

Be prepared for an hour to two hours worth of paperwork and discussion when CPS and arrives with your new kiddo. 

Here is a list of things that can be helpful the first few hours a placement arrives: 

1) Have kid friendly snacks ready, while you may want to give them healthy fruits and veggies so they can have a fresh healthy start in your house, chances are they are not use to this. I recommend crackers, peanut butter and jelly, pretzels, dry cereal, etc. Save introducing new things for another day instead of the same day their whole world has been rocked. 

2) If there is someone available for you that can come to your house when they arrive it's nice to have an extra set of hands to turn cartoons on, or possibly give them a bath if needed or maybe read a goodnight story and put them to bed, depending on what time they arrive. 

3) Always bathe the child and put fresh clean clothes on as soon as possible. This is the perfect time to do a physical assessment and check for any bruises, diaper rash, other injuries, lice, sores, etc.  

4) If you find lice wash EVERYTHING they came with IMMEDIATELY! Lice is very common with kids that are coming into care.

5) Ask every question you can think of at the time of placement. 

a) Any allergies? 

b) Any medication? 

c) WIC cards? What kind of formula?

d) Medicaid cards? Doctors name and phone number? 

e) Family visits? If so where and when? 

g) Get caseworker and CASA phone number and an on call number. 

6) Do not plan for anything on the day of placement, you never know what can/will happen. 

7) Relax, Breathe and enjoy your night with your first foster child! 

1.3 What To Expect When You're Expecting

Training, Preparation and Cost

Well, you did it!! You chose a CPA!! (and I hope it was AWFC or one just as good, if there is such a thing!)

Now the fun part begins, training and preparation for that new little boy or girl that you will be loving on soon!

Your CPA will schedule training with you and that could happen a few different ways. You can go to them every week for several weeks, you can have a lot of it in 2 weekends, or they can come to you, it all depends on your CPA.

I recommend getting a training notebook, a 1-2" binder works great, some dividers or plastic page protectors, highlighters and different color pens and a calendar.

See my training notebooks below! 

Nothing fancy, just a 1 1/2 inch binder! 

You will need a calendar to make note of the things you will be responsible for scheduling, including but not limited too:

- Fire Inspection ($0-$100)
- Health Inspection ($0-$100)
- TB Test (approx. $15/ per person, every peson in the home over 1 needs a TB Test)
- Fire Extinguisher Inspection ($5 for inspection, approx. $40 for fire extinguisher)
- Trainings
- CPR (adult and child and infant) ($25-$60/ per person, some CPA's offer CPR free of charge)
- FBI Fingerprints (approx. $35/per person)
- Homestudy

Once a child is placed in your home a calendar will NOT be an option, so ya might as well get used to it now!

****TIP**** make a copy of EVERYTHING you turn in and make a note at the top of the copy that includes the date the document is turned in and who it was turned it in to, it doesn't have to be anything fancy something like the picture works great for us! As good as your CPA is your case manager is still human, and truth be told there's not a lot of people that want to do his/her job, creating a lot of work for few people, so knowing when and who you turned your documents into can save a lot of time and headache down the road if a document gets lost or misplaced.

(Like this, simple right!?) 

Now I know your anxious to start decorating the room or buying those teeney tiny clothes or getting some cool magazines and headphones for that teenager, well go ahead!! Collecting a little a time is much easier on the pocket book later on and it will make your child feel a little more welcome when he or she comes in that first day!

I recommend having 24 hours worth of clothes/supplies for every age you are licensed for. For example, if you are licensed for ages 0-8 girls and boys, have at least one outfit in every size for both genders and a set of pajamas, underwear, a toothbrush, hairbrush, a variety of shoes, and several sizes of diapers in a few different brands, wipes, different types of bottles, formula, pacifiers, blankets, and a car seat.  I know your thinking it's going to cost you a fortune to do that but trust me on this, it won't! Shop garage sales, Facebook buy, sale, trade pages, clearance isles (I love Target and Old Navy clearance!) People love to help (and clean out their closets) and if your friends and family know that you are gathering things for your future kiddos, I promise you will have more than you need!

I'm going to focus a little more on babies right now because that is what we are anticipating. I often get opened packages of diapers that someone's baby has out grown before using the whole package for a few dollars. Sign up on for formula samples and companies will mail you samples so you have a variety! (you never know which one is going to work for a baby!) 

I DO NOT recommend a second hand car seat unless you know the person, it is NOT expired and you know it has not been in a wreck. Educate yourself on car seat safety. 

I get all other baby equipment, bouncers, swings, bassinet, high chairs, etc on Facebook buy sale trade pages! 

FOSTER PARENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE DOORWAY JUMPERS, WALKERS, OR VIDEO BABY MONITORS. Please see a complete list of items that are prohibited by Texas Department of Family and Protective Services.