1.4 What to Expect When You're Expecting

Congratulations, your done with training!!

This post will not apply to everyone, well at least right now, you may have to come back at a later date!

Judgement & Ignorance.

This is a tough one. A tough one to write, talk about and prepare another parent, because let's get real, who likes to be judged or deal with ignorant people? Dictionary.com says the definition of ignorance is the lack of knowledge or information. During your training your trainer may have said something, a statistic, a rule, a law, an expectation that completely shocked you. Unless you grew up in foster care it's highly likely that you were ignorant, to an extent, about how foster care actually works. Relax, it's ok, you can admit you don't know everything but now that you have been properly educated you have much more knowledge and understanding of the foster care system! Now the hard part is to remember that no one else is educated as much as you are now. Remembering that people are ignorant can help you cope with most of the judgement and ignorance you are going to encounter.

You may have heard things like
"Oh I could never do that, I'd get to attached!"
I used to take offense to that, it's kind of like someone saying  you won't get attached or they they would love a child more than you.
Don't take offense. This is one of those ignorant comments, in your head you can scream at them and reply with "Oh yeah well IT AINT ABOUT YOU!!" often I reply with "I'll go through the greif and pain any day to save a child from the pain they are going through." Most of the time it's like a light bulb goes off when you say that and sometimes it doesn't. And when it doesn't stop the conversation right there and realize that the person your talking to does not "get it". It's hard to explain what it means when someone "gets it", I'll leave that up to you to decide what that means, you'll find out, it's just a matter of time.

Another comment you may here is "I would want to kill their "real" parents for hurting them [the child in care]!" Yep, from time to time I've wanted to shake a few of them, again, you'll learn with the who is worth expaining yourself too. I also respond "Everyone deserves a second chance and I love to be the bridge that can put a family back together!"

This list could go on forever but I want to touch on the judgement you will more than likely encounter and it will be from the people you least expect! First, they are NOT judging your parenting, usually they are just worried about you. If you have signed up for this chaotic world of fostering YOU are probably selfless, YOU don't think of yourself often so others feel like that have to look out for you. And while this person may have very good intentions it come be perceived as harsh and you may feel like said person thinks you are not capable of this mission. I have been through this with more people than I can count, as a matter of fact that is exactly why we didn't announce our news until we were already licensed, waiting for the call! So how do you deal with it? Let them help you, yes you did the training and prepared for months but you WILL get tired, openly admit that you know it's going to be tough and you would love their support. Also pray that your ready and seeking God's will and then you can say with confidence you know that God will give you the tools you need to be the best foster parent you can be!

Personally for us, we know 100% this is God's calling for our life! With that said it's much easier to not worry about those judging us. I mean, who can argue with God?! I am often reminded of several verses from Psalms to "defend the weak and fatherless" or in Proverbs where the Bible talks about knowing what we need to do after our eyes are opened and of course in Matthew it says "with God all things are possible!" Surround yourself with supportive friends and family and do not discuss  stress due to foster care with this that do not support your decision. Just because we know this is God's calling for us we also know that it will not be easy, we will need God and our friend to help us complete this mission!