Why in the world would you get a child from another country, when there's plenty in the US?!

This entry is not about the kids, sorry guys! It's about me, you can stop reading now if you want, its ok, I wont be offended! hehe! Well I have been stuck in a rut for several months now. I was really hurt by our church and I haven't recovered. I have tried ignoring the situation, praying for me to be able to forgive and forget, to put a mask on and pretend like I am someone else. None of those things were working, what is it going to take?! Let me add that Jeremy is on staff at our church so most of you are probably thinking, leave and find another church if they hurt you that bad, well thats not an option. Jeremy feels the responsiblity and obligation to the students at our church to persevere and serve at our church. I have tried being supportive at home and prayed for him to continue to do the Lord's work as he has been called to do. I have been blessed by such a great husband. I have also been dealing with alot of family stuff, trying to get the boys back in a routine, starting adoption papers, moving, a new job and preparing for Jeremy's college graduation. Not as if all that is enough, there was just something missing. I just realized what it was last night. Since I have moved to Stephenville, 5 years ago, I have ALWAYS been busy serving or volunteering somewhere. I have been an officer in Christian soriority all throughout college, then I volunteered 3 times a week at the local pregnancy center, have done a couple different Bible Studies, put on a few big events, and now..for the last 5 months I havent done anything. I want to give back, that is where my heart is. I am happier if I am giving or serving someone. I have been praying alot about doing a girls Bible Study for the youth. I am going to start it.

Last night I went to a "Mission Chicks" meeting. Its a group of local ladies that have created this group and they meet local and international needs. They have several different teams consisting of local, international, missions, orphan care, widow care, post adoption support, young/single mother care. I went to the meeting scared, thinking these women have it all together and here I come a mess. I have NEVER been more blessed by a group of total strangers as I was last night. The young/single mom team leader was in charge of the meeting last night and a single mom came and gave her testimony. She said "We want to control everything, the joy I have is not mine its God's, I let God control my joy and I step back and let it shine", this really hit home. We try to control everything and we dont even have the right to control anything, its all God's we should step back every now and then and let God control what's His. I got to share a little bit of the boys story just a little bit after we watched this video that I posted, Isaiah Story. While in the meeting the "Missions" team leader mentioned that they are planning a mission trip to Haiti, my first thought--ABSOLUTLEY NOT! Why does everyone feel like we have to go to some third world country to rescue or help some needy kids?! Wow, how selfish am I? I still believe there are plenty kids here in the US that need help but when some kids don't even have fresh water who am I to say that we should help kids in the US? God really shook me in that meeting and convicted me of being so selfish that I could ever think the way I had been thinking for so long. I was so incredibly blessed last night and I am so ashamed. I prayed alot last night and thanked God for the restoration He gave me in that 2 hours. My heart and eyes were opened up and I want to serve again. I think I will start volunteering at the Pregnancy Care Center again teaching classes for young moms! I want to serve, I want to be like a Mission Chick, I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ! Thank you Mission Chicks for fullfilling God's command.

..last court report...

Well we went to our last court hearing for Michael and Biscuit today. The next hearing will be the adoption. I never thought God would bless us so abundantly. Wow, its very strange knowing there is no going back. Parental rights are officially terminated, appeal period is over, we have hired an attorney, submitted adoption papers and now we hurry up and wait! It is surreal to me. We are requesting that the adoption be consumated on June 20. Our (mine and Jeremy's) birthday is June 20th, yes we have the same birthday, is on a Monday and we should be able to adopt them on that day, that what our attorney said anyway. Hoping for the 20th! Update on Jonathan: Jonathan was moved on Monday to my friend Carmen's house. He is doing great there. He doesnt like going back after being at our house all day but he is getting use to. Everyday get easier but he is definantly ready to be here forever. Michael is so glad he is back, as is all of us. We are hoping that he is moved into our house on Friday or Monday. The sibiling set we have right now will be leaving Wednesday morning and returning back with their family. God was in control of our whole situation. With or without Jonathan the kids would be leaving so God really blessed us by giving Jonthan back to us, giving his home back to him and giving Michael's brother back to Michael. We are hoping to have all three boys adopted by the end of Summer, we are really going to have to push it for Jonathans but maybe they will be willing to get it done fast since he is almost 5 years old! Update on Jeremy: Jeremy still has not had any interviews but we have a couple of leads. We are hoping schools will start calling soon so that we know where we will be living after the end of May. We are just going to keep praying and hope that God will answer our prayers quickly, but it is in His time, not ours so wer also praying for patients! He graduates May 14, and I am so excited and happy for him. He has much more will power than I do and I know I couldve never stayed in school as long as he did, even though it took him 7 years he is finally done and I couldnt be more proud! I love you, Jeremy Kirk!

I'll just deal with him....

Not very uplifting title I know but those words are taunting me over and over again. Monday morning (3/28) I received a phone call from Jonathans aunt. If you remember Jonathan was our foster child last year for 8 months and while we were waiting on TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) we were making plans to adopt him. On December 2nd, 2010 Jonathan moved in with a relative that wanted to adopt him. CPS's goal is reunification with biological parents, however if that is not an option the next best thing (to them) is family. We were heart broken, devestated, and we weren't for sure if we wanted to keeping fostering. We continued. Back to the phone call. I could sense the frustration in her voice when she was explaining how out of control Jonathan is acting, throwing tantrums, kicking her 8.5 month pregnant stomach, screaming "LEAVE ME ALONE", getting into fights at school-half way through her spill about Jonathan I interrupted and said "You knew all of this before you decided to take him from his life with us and try to adopt him", her respone "I know but I thought we could handle it" So needless to say she asked if we could take him back because she knew at one point that we wanted to adopt him. Of course we said YES! Here's the sticky part...As you know we have 5 kids, all under 4. The state only allows you to keep 5 kids total if you have 2 infants (18 mo and younger). Bret is 8 months and Biscuit turned 17 months on Wednesday. One month short and we could have Jonathan. I have never prayed to keep a child in my home, bring him back or take him away. I have always prayed for God to do His will and let me be at peace with it. I think God decided to test us. There had to be a way to have Jonathan back, there just had to be! I got on the phone and made close to 50 phone calls in a matter of 5 days..ok so maybe more that 50! We decided to give a 30 day request for removal for our current sibling set of three. They are possibly going back to live with their grandma on the 7th (thats been the plan all along). CPS has 30 days to find the sibling set a new home if they do not go live with their grandmother. I know, it may seem harsh but what would you do for YOUR child?! Back to Big Bro J, Jonathan's aunt was so ready to have him removed from her house she called me Thursday and asked if we could come get him and that her husband was about to call CPS and have him moved immediantly. I told her I would be there to pick him up in the morning (today), she said to me well if you cant "I'll just deal with him". Wow. Just deal with him. This morning I got up, got the kids dressed, and we gassed up the mini and drove 2 hours to pick Jonathan up from school. When I finally got there and we saw each other I stretched my arms out as wide as I could and said "Jonathan, I've missed you so much" ...now mental image..you got that?, he runs towards me, and right passed me. Michael was standing about 15 feet behind me. He reaches out his arms, Michael comes running and they have been inseperable ever since. The are brothers at heart. He has done great his first night here. He has asked to go to his aunts house once when it was time for bed. We are going to get to spend the weekend with Jonathan and I have to take him back on Sunday. He is going to be moved on Monday to one of my closest best friends, Carmen's house. She is also a foster parent here in Stephenville and knows Jonathan very well. He is excited about going to stay with her and he will get to stay there until the three children I have are moved to another home. Then he will get to come home for good! In the meantime, I am going to get him enrolled in school, soccer and maybe tball, if he can handle all of that. I can not begin to express my gratitude for Carmen. God brought us together because we sold her our car when we became foster parents to get a bigger one. Wow, did God have a plan?!. Not only has she been there every step of the way through our foster journey but God is using her to make us Jonathans forever family. She is ALWAYS there when I need her for something as little as donuts on Friday mornings to take in my child so that we can give him what he deserves. I am a little teary eyed. Theres nothing that could repay her for what she is doing for us. I do not have the words to say to say thank you to her. Thank you God for bring me a friend like Carmen. Saying "I love you" is not enough. Thank you Carmen and thank you God! I'll post updated pictures tomorrow or Sunday! :) Hope you enjoyed this VERY long post!