Why in the world would you get a child from another country, when there's plenty in the US?!

This entry is not about the kids, sorry guys! It's about me, you can stop reading now if you want, its ok, I wont be offended! hehe! Well I have been stuck in a rut for several months now. I was really hurt by our church and I haven't recovered. I have tried ignoring the situation, praying for me to be able to forgive and forget, to put a mask on and pretend like I am someone else. None of those things were working, what is it going to take?! Let me add that Jeremy is on staff at our church so most of you are probably thinking, leave and find another church if they hurt you that bad, well thats not an option. Jeremy feels the responsiblity and obligation to the students at our church to persevere and serve at our church. I have tried being supportive at home and prayed for him to continue to do the Lord's work as he has been called to do. I have been blessed by such a great husband. I have also been dealing with alot of family stuff, trying to get the boys back in a routine, starting adoption papers, moving, a new job and preparing for Jeremy's college graduation. Not as if all that is enough, there was just something missing. I just realized what it was last night. Since I have moved to Stephenville, 5 years ago, I have ALWAYS been busy serving or volunteering somewhere. I have been an officer in Christian soriority all throughout college, then I volunteered 3 times a week at the local pregnancy center, have done a couple different Bible Studies, put on a few big events, and now..for the last 5 months I havent done anything. I want to give back, that is where my heart is. I am happier if I am giving or serving someone. I have been praying alot about doing a girls Bible Study for the youth. I am going to start it.

Last night I went to a "Mission Chicks" meeting. Its a group of local ladies that have created this group and they meet local and international needs. They have several different teams consisting of local, international, missions, orphan care, widow care, post adoption support, young/single mother care. I went to the meeting scared, thinking these women have it all together and here I come a mess. I have NEVER been more blessed by a group of total strangers as I was last night. The young/single mom team leader was in charge of the meeting last night and a single mom came and gave her testimony. She said "We want to control everything, the joy I have is not mine its God's, I let God control my joy and I step back and let it shine", this really hit home. We try to control everything and we dont even have the right to control anything, its all God's we should step back every now and then and let God control what's His. I got to share a little bit of the boys story just a little bit after we watched this video that I posted, Isaiah Story. While in the meeting the "Missions" team leader mentioned that they are planning a mission trip to Haiti, my first thought--ABSOLUTLEY NOT! Why does everyone feel like we have to go to some third world country to rescue or help some needy kids?! Wow, how selfish am I? I still believe there are plenty kids here in the US that need help but when some kids don't even have fresh water who am I to say that we should help kids in the US? God really shook me in that meeting and convicted me of being so selfish that I could ever think the way I had been thinking for so long. I was so incredibly blessed last night and I am so ashamed. I prayed alot last night and thanked God for the restoration He gave me in that 2 hours. My heart and eyes were opened up and I want to serve again. I think I will start volunteering at the Pregnancy Care Center again teaching classes for young moms! I want to serve, I want to be like a Mission Chick, I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ! Thank you Mission Chicks for fullfilling God's command.