1.4 What to Expect When You're Expecting

Congratulations, your done with training!!

This post will not apply to everyone, well at least right now, you may have to come back at a later date!

Judgement & Ignorance.

This is a tough one. A tough one to write, talk about and prepare another parent, because let's get real, who likes to be judged or deal with ignorant people? Dictionary.com says the definition of ignorance is the lack of knowledge or information. During your training your trainer may have said something, a statistic, a rule, a law, an expectation that completely shocked you. Unless you grew up in foster care it's highly likely that you were ignorant, to an extent, about how foster care actually works. Relax, it's ok, you can admit you don't know everything but now that you have been properly educated you have much more knowledge and understanding of the foster care system! Now the hard part is to remember that no one else is educated as much as you are now. Remembering that people are ignorant can help you cope with most of the judgement and ignorance you are going to encounter.

You may have heard things like
"Oh I could never do that, I'd get to attached!"
I used to take offense to that, it's kind of like someone saying  you won't get attached or they they would love a child more than you.
Don't take offense. This is one of those ignorant comments, in your head you can scream at them and reply with "Oh yeah well IT AINT ABOUT YOU!!" often I reply with "I'll go through the greif and pain any day to save a child from the pain they are going through." Most of the time it's like a light bulb goes off when you say that and sometimes it doesn't. And when it doesn't stop the conversation right there and realize that the person your talking to does not "get it". It's hard to explain what it means when someone "gets it", I'll leave that up to you to decide what that means, you'll find out, it's just a matter of time.

Another comment you may here is "I would want to kill their "real" parents for hurting them [the child in care]!" Yep, from time to time I've wanted to shake a few of them, again, you'll learn with the who is worth expaining yourself too. I also respond "Everyone deserves a second chance and I love to be the bridge that can put a family back together!"

This list could go on forever but I want to touch on the judgement you will more than likely encounter and it will be from the people you least expect! First, they are NOT judging your parenting, usually they are just worried about you. If you have signed up for this chaotic world of fostering YOU are probably selfless, YOU don't think of yourself often so others feel like that have to look out for you. And while this person may have very good intentions it come be perceived as harsh and you may feel like said person thinks you are not capable of this mission. I have been through this with more people than I can count, as a matter of fact that is exactly why we didn't announce our news until we were already licensed, waiting for the call! So how do you deal with it? Let them help you, yes you did the training and prepared for months but you WILL get tired, openly admit that you know it's going to be tough and you would love their support. Also pray that your ready and seeking God's will and then you can say with confidence you know that God will give you the tools you need to be the best foster parent you can be!

Personally for us, we know 100% this is God's calling for our life! With that said it's much easier to not worry about those judging us. I mean, who can argue with God?! I am often reminded of several verses from Psalms to "defend the weak and fatherless" or in Proverbs where the Bible talks about knowing what we need to do after our eyes are opened and of course in Matthew it says "with God all things are possible!" Surround yourself with supportive friends and family and do not discuss  stress due to foster care with this that do not support your decision. Just because we know this is God's calling for us we also know that it will not be easy, we will need God and our friend to help us complete this mission!

1.5- What To Expect When Your Expecting

Waiting...

And waiting...

Still waiting.

Phone rings, this might be THE CALL!?

IT IS THE CALL!!

The case manager says they have a 2 year old, boy, Hispanic (maybe?), from Taylor county, will you take him?

Yep that's it, that's all the info your going to get and hopefully it's accurate! I've had some Hispanics show up at my door that are blonde, blue eyes, and ghostly white skin. Unfortunately not all of the 4 details you thought you knew about the child are correct!

Some come with lots of medications, no medical history, some with lots of clothes and some with only a diaper. Some with bruises. Some hungry. Some dirty. Some clean. Some appear to have been taken care. One thing in common is they ALL come with the need to be loved. 

Now you've waited 15 minutes for your new toddler to arrive or maybe you received more notice and have had 2 days to prepare. Regardless, your door bell is going to ring soon and on the other side of the door is going to be a child that will impact your life forever. 

Be prepared for an hour to two hours worth of paperwork and discussion when CPS and arrives with your new kiddo. 

Here is a list of things that can be helpful the first few hours a placement arrives: 

1) Have kid friendly snacks ready, while you may want to give them healthy fruits and veggies so they can have a fresh healthy start in your house, chances are they are not use to this. I recommend crackers, peanut butter and jelly, pretzels, dry cereal, etc. Save introducing new things for another day instead of the same day their whole world has been rocked. 

2) If there is someone available for you that can come to your house when they arrive it's nice to have an extra set of hands to turn cartoons on, or possibly give them a bath if needed or maybe read a goodnight story and put them to bed, depending on what time they arrive. 

3) Always bathe the child and put fresh clean clothes on as soon as possible. This is the perfect time to do a physical assessment and check for any bruises, diaper rash, other injuries, lice, sores, etc.  

4) If you find lice wash EVERYTHING they came with IMMEDIATELY! Lice is very common with kids that are coming into care.

5) Ask every question you can think of at the time of placement. 

a) Any allergies? 

b) Any medication? 

c) WIC cards? What kind of formula?

d) Medicaid cards? Doctors name and phone number? 

e) Family visits? If so where and when? 

g) Get caseworker and CASA phone number and an on call number. 

6) Do not plan for anything on the day of placement, you never know what can/will happen. 

7) Relax, Breathe and enjoy your night with your first foster child! 

1.3 What To Expect When You're Expecting

Training, Preparation and Cost

Well, you did it!! You chose a CPA!! (and I hope it was AWFC or one just as good, if there is such a thing!)

Now the fun part begins, training and preparation for that new little boy or girl that you will be loving on soon!

Your CPA will schedule training with you and that could happen a few different ways. You can go to them every week for several weeks, you can have a lot of it in 2 weekends, or they can come to you, it all depends on your CPA.

I recommend getting a training notebook, a 1-2" binder works great, some dividers or plastic page protectors, highlighters and different color pens and a calendar.

See my training notebooks below! 

Nothing fancy, just a 1 1/2 inch binder! 

You will need a calendar to make note of the things you will be responsible for scheduling, including but not limited too:

- Fire Inspection ($0-$100)
- Health Inspection ($0-$100)
- TB Test (approx. $15/ per person, every peson in the home over 1 needs a TB Test)
- Fire Extinguisher Inspection ($5 for inspection, approx. $40 for fire extinguisher)
- Trainings
- CPR (adult and child and infant) ($25-$60/ per person, some CPA's offer CPR free of charge)
- FBI Fingerprints (approx. $35/per person)
- Homestudy

Once a child is placed in your home a calendar will NOT be an option, so ya might as well get used to it now!

****TIP**** make a copy of EVERYTHING you turn in and make a note at the top of the copy that includes the date the document is turned in and who it was turned it in to, it doesn't have to be anything fancy something like the picture works great for us! As good as your CPA is your case manager is still human, and truth be told there's not a lot of people that want to do his/her job, creating a lot of work for few people, so knowing when and who you turned your documents into can save a lot of time and headache down the road if a document gets lost or misplaced.

(Like this, simple right!?) 

Now I know your anxious to start decorating the room or buying those teeney tiny clothes or getting some cool magazines and headphones for that teenager, well go ahead!! Collecting a little a time is much easier on the pocket book later on and it will make your child feel a little more welcome when he or she comes in that first day!

I recommend having 24 hours worth of clothes/supplies for every age you are licensed for. For example, if you are licensed for ages 0-8 girls and boys, have at least one outfit in every size for both genders and a set of pajamas, underwear, a toothbrush, hairbrush, a variety of shoes, and several sizes of diapers in a few different brands, wipes, different types of bottles, formula, pacifiers, blankets, and a car seat.  I know your thinking it's going to cost you a fortune to do that but trust me on this, it won't! Shop garage sales, Facebook buy, sale, trade pages, clearance isles (I love Target and Old Navy clearance!) People love to help (and clean out their closets) and if your friends and family know that you are gathering things for your future kiddos, I promise you will have more than you need!

I'm going to focus a little more on babies right now because that is what we are anticipating. I often get opened packages of diapers that someone's baby has out grown before using the whole package for a few dollars. Sign up on for formula samples and companies will mail you samples so you have a variety! (you never know which one is going to work for a baby!) 

I DO NOT recommend a second hand car seat unless you know the person, it is NOT expired and you know it has not been in a wreck. Educate yourself on car seat safety. 

I get all other baby equipment, bouncers, swings, bassinet, high chairs, etc on Facebook buy sale trade pages! 

FOSTER PARENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE DOORWAY JUMPERS, WALKERS, OR VIDEO BABY MONITORS. Please see a complete list of items that are prohibited by Texas Department of Family and Protective Services.

1.2 What to Expect When You're Expecting

Choosing an Agency

So you've decided to look into it [fostering]. Now what? You've Googled, huh?! Don't worry, been there done that!
You googled "fostering in [insert your city]" and your results: 25768 agencies, organizations, resources, horrible pictures of abused children, etc. Now, which link should you click on?!

Start by searching for a more specific CHILD PLACING AGENCY (CPA)

*Tip* If you are a Christian I highly recommend a Christian CPA. It is very important to have a Christian agency that your comfortable with to help counsel and cover your family in prayer during the trials and victories of your foster care journey.

First, find a CPA that serves YOUR area! Most CPAs have the area that they cover listed by city on their web site or you can call your local DFPS office to find out which region you live in.

Find a CPA that meets your basic needs and has similar morals, you can often find their mission statements, or the CPA "about me" section on their websites or call and ask!

After you check the CPA's requirements and you know you meet them all it is important that YOU interview the CPA, after all you will be working closely with them in very high stress situations.

Questions you may want to ask when you call or interview the CPA (in no particular order)
1) How often does the case manager visit? It is required by licensing to visit a basic level child once per month. An agency that visits more than once often creates a trusting relationship with foster parents/child which creates a more successful placement.
2) What are the monthly requirement of the foster parents? Monthly progress notes are required by licensing. Medication logs and activity calendar are also required.
3) What specific resources are available to foster parents that chose to foster through [CPA name]? Some CPA's offer a wide variety of resources and some are very limited or none beyond the requirements of licensing.
4) Does [CPA name] have someone that is available for support 24/7 for my family? Your case manager may not always be available but a good CPA will have an on call person and some even have an on call nurse available to you and your CHILD 24/7, every day of the year!
5) How important is MY family and my biological children incomparison to the children placed in care? A good CPA will say they are equally important. If you have children it's imperative that they are not "forgotten" in the business of the caseworkers, therpy, case managers etc.
6) How are foster parents reimbursed for the expenses of the child in care?  While it should not be about money at all and if you are considering fostering as a paying job, you should look elsewhere. You will be paid approximately $1/hour. Some CPA's offer reimbursement for travel expenses, respite relief, vacations and more. Its ok to ask your potential CPA, let's face it, raising a child is expensive and if your caring for the child in care to the best of your ability it will cost more than $1/hour. 
7) What if we fall in love with our child, do we have the option to adopt? Some CPA's are foster only, be sure you choose a CPA with a foster to adopt option if adoption is considered.

After you have visited with your potential CPA and feel comfortable proceeding, training and preparation come next!

DISCLAIMER: I have not been paid or reimbursed to represent A World For Children. AWFC is our personal choice of CPA. I highly recommend AWFC to anyone interested in foster parenting and I am more than willing to discuss AWFC specifically with you!

What To Expect When You're Expecting...Intro!

What to Expect When Your Expecting- Foster Care Edition

You read right! And YES! its what your thinking! I know you're think were crazy right? We have enough on our plate? Why would we want any more kids? We should just take care of the ones we have? Trust me, if your thinking it we have already heard it and it's OK, we understand why you would think that. We get it, we really do and sometimes we have thought the same things and that's why we closed our home and said we are DONE, done with CPS, caseworkers, visits, bio families, therapy, doctor appointments, case managers, medication logs, training, fire escape drills, dumb rules, and the list goes on.

We have turned in our paperwork, trained for hours, prepared our boys, even bought a bigger car, gathered bouncers, swings, bought diapers, collected clothes, and our home study is complete all while reluctantly saying YES and admitting we were wrong to close our home. We have prayed so many nights about this decision after putting this off for so many months. We have had confirmation that the direction of our life is of the Lord's will and we have never felt so sure that we are fulfilling God's purpose for our life! We're on the list, waiting for the newborn that needs to held, fed, and loved and I hope that you will support our family on this journey (again)!

Along with prayers, extra hands and your support you can help other foster parents and A World For Children by clicking here and following the directions and voting for Brown County- A World For Children for $2500 to be granted to a non-profit organization!

So now that your caught up I am planning on writing a series of post on the subject of foster care. A series of post that will walk you through the good and bad of the days, weeks and months of  preparation before bringing a hurt, sad, traumatized child [and their trash bags] into your home. The series will include tips on how to chose the  right agency, how to deal with judgmental reactions, how to prepare your home for the [nerve wracking] home-study, the basic necessities, questions you may have and I am hoping to compile a list of resources for when you welcome that first kiddo into your home! Feel free to leave any comments or questions you would like me to address! Hope you enjoy this and bare with me, this is the first series I have ever done!

You Win some and Lose some....and lately we have lost too much.

Life has been everything but slow the last few months! I am not even sure when the last time I have updated the blog was but now your going to get a nice, big, long, raw, real life, emotional update. Feel free to stop reading, I won't be offended.

Loss. Loss has so many different emotions. We lose our keys and get frustrated, we lose money and get depressed, we lose our mind and go crazy, we lose our car in the parking lot and get embarrassed, we lose a loved one and become sad, we lose our teeth and become old, we lose weight and we become happy, we lose our jobs and become poor, we lose our pet and become worried, we lose our child and become lost. So many emotions wrapped up in one four letter word.

This week I have lost my grandpa and my great grandma. We have several family members going through major health problems and

Michael our 7 year old with Cerebral Palsy was diagnosed with Autism yesterday, April 1st and this is the beginning of our journey. 

We have been waiting and going through testing for about 3 months now and we finally have answers, yet the reality has not quite set in. As I sat in my grandpa's funeral yesterday I couldn't help but be thankful for Michael, Cerebral Palsy, and Autism. I get to celebrate life with our son while others may be burying their child. The future is going to be a struggle but the victories will be priceless. There is no cure for Autism, the doctor said "It's going to be an ongoing challenge." While we didn't lose our child yesterday, I feel like I am somewhat grieving the child I thought that I had but the reality Michael is still Michael, he doesn't even know he is Autistic or that he has CP for that matter.

For those of you that are around Michael on a regular basis you can certainly help him (and me) out by just being more patient with him. We have been trying to teach him appropriate boundaries. Everyone knows Michael loves to hug everyone but for a child with Autism it is very hard to understand dangerous situations and even though you think he is sweet and its ok to hug you, we are really working on relationship boundaries with him so next time you see him a high five would be perfect and help us and him out so much (unless you are a grandparent of course). Hugs are for family and high fives are for friends. We are constantly reminding him "High fives only, Michael!"
Also over the last few months has has began wandering away from us and has ended in some pretty dangerous situations, if you see him and he looks to be lost, a gentle reminder to find a parent will go a long way. Cleanliness is also a challenge for Michael, he eats things that aren't food all the time, even from the trash can and is also having some self care issues that we are working on. Again your patience and understanding is appreciated more than you know (unless you have a kiddo with Autism, then you probably know!)

We know that with God anything is possible and we have faith that God will give us all the tools and resources to parent Michael the best we can. Someone recently told me that I knew exactly what I was getting into when we adopted our children and the truth is we had no idea what we were getting into. We had no idea Michael would later be diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy or Autism but I wouldn't change it for the world. Sometimes we are overwhelmed, for instance this week, overwhelmed would be an understatement but we know God has put people in our life to help us get through our trying times. Michael may have been birthed by a different mother but I am his momma and I will do everything in my power to make sure he is successful in life! #bringonthechallenge #Autism

Today is World Autism Awareness Day and it takes on a whole new meaning! Here are some basic facts about Autism and a few links if your interested in becoming aware of Michael's new diagnosis.






This video is so cool!! It's short and an interesting! Worth the watch, but make sure your volume works.  
http://www.upworthy.com/lets-take-a-look-inside-the-mind-of-an-autistic-person

What is Autism?

• Autism is a bio-neurological developmental disability that generally appears before the age of 3
• Autism impacts the normal development of the brain in the areas of social interaction, communication skills, and cognitive function. Individuals with autism typically have difficulties in verbal and non-verbal communication, social interactions, and leisure or play activities
• Individuals with autism often suffer from numerous co-morbid medical conditions which may include: allergies, asthma, epilepsy, digestive disorders, persistent viral infections, feeding disorders, sensory integration dysfunction, sleeping disorders, and more
• Autism is diagnosed four times more often in boys than girls. Its prevalence is not affected by race, region, or socio-economic status. Since autism was first diagnosed in the U.S. the incidence has climbed to an alarming one in 68 children in the U.S.
• Autism itself does not affect life expectancy, however research has shown that the mortality risk among individuals with autism is twice as high as the general population, in large part due to drowning and other accidents.
• Currently there is no cure for autism, though with early intervention and treatment, the diverse symptoms related to autism can be greatly improved and in some cases completely overcome.

http://nationalautismassociation.org/resources/autism-fact-sheet/

http://www.icareinfo.org/Autism/autism.html