Changing out our wardrobe for a new season!

When the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you don't know how much more you can take. It happens. You lose it. Gone. Patience, sanity, rational thoughts, everything, you lose it all! Breath. It's ok. You will make it. You will be ok.

Just when you think you can't go on anymore someone will come along and pick you up. It may be the person you least expect to, it may be your go to person. Just don't go through it alone. Find that person, hang on to them, and most importantly appreciate them.

Life is full of ups and downs, mine especially. I am never sure what my life will hold from day to day. I am thankful that I have an extraordinary support system. My kids keep me going everyday, they are my motivation for life. I often look at pictures of them and I am shocked that God has given me the responsibility to take care of all of these boys but what an honor. I am so grateful for all of them, for the people that have prayed for me to make it through our hospital stays, long days of nursing school, ARD meetings, baseball, football, and then life in general. I have LOST IT more times than I would like to admit.

This month has been hard. This year has been the hardest year that I have been through.

In January, Jordan's health started to decline and recently we have received a discouraging report from Jordan's neurologist. Without going into much detail we are celebrating every day, week, month we have with Jordan and he will continue to write his own story. We made it through February with one hospitalization after Jordan had a neurological event and left him non-responsive. A week prior I was hospitalized for kidney stones and a refluxed kidney. In March, Michael started a series of Neuro-Psych testing at Cook Children's which did not reveal anything that we didn't already know. April Jordan ended up in the hospital again. May we finished off baseball season deep in to the playoffs and I spend 2 weeks in Europe (which warrants a complete blog post in its own!). June I started my last semester of nursing school and then end of June we had some major unexpected changes.

June 27, the athletic director from Nocona ISD called Jeremy and they visited for a while and discussed the options of Jeremy becoming the Head Baseball Coach for the Indians. On Friday the 29th, Jeremy went for an interview and was offered the job. We searched for a house, found one, and signed the papers, in fear we would lose the ONE housing option we had in this small Texas town.
Saturday June 30th Jeremy resigned from Iowa Park CISD and accepted the position at Nocona.

I cried. A lot. Every day. Actually, I still cry.

Then Monday July 2nd, we lost our house. The landlord said we had "too many kids" which he knew how many we had when we filled out the paperwork so I am not sure why he changed his mind. Said it was a law.. however, its not, I did my research, because we NEEDED that house. So we frantically tried finding another one, which we did. It is much smaller but we are making it work. I thought losing that house was God's way of answering my prayer to close the door to Nocona. I did not want to leave Iowa Park. But I was wrong. We found our current house a few days later, signed the papers, and Jeremy and the boys moved in a week later.

Jordan took a downhill turn, was care flighted to Cook Children's and spent four days in the hospital.

Jordan and I stayed in Iowa Park while I finished nursing school and then we joined the rest of the family 2 weeks ago. The move to Nocona has been the most difficult move we have ever been through in our coaching life. I have learned to lean on God completely in this area of my life. My joy was gone, my happiness was gone, I didn't want to be here, I wanted to go home {to Iowa Park} but God wants me with my family and if my family is here, then here I am. Making friends has always been pretty easy for me, not this time. My heart is bitter and aching and I am praying every single day that it will be broken for whatever reason God wants us here in Nocona. I will serve. I will give. I will do whatever I need to do to be a vessel used by God in a place that selfishly I don't want to be but if I can be used by God I will forever be thankful for Nocona, Texas. My daily prayer is that we can be used for a greater purpose here and that I grow to love Nocona like I have loved Iowa Park.

We have found a great church in Bowie that we all look forward to going to and are anxious to get our hands dirty and start serving on some of their amazing ministry teams (like Ronald McDonald house, yeaahh!).

Praying for a break. A break through. A change of heart as we change out our wardrobe from Iowa Park green to Nocona orange! I will praise Him in this storm. For He is who he is, no matter where I am.

And somewhere in all of that I graduated nursing school and now I am waiting to take my state board exams, which should be coming up soon! I am catching up on the last year that I have been MIA and enjoying late night Netflix movies, dinner with the boys, signing folders, and doing laundry. Oh!, and we have a Dairy Queen, so I have had a few Reese's Blizzards too!

So that wraps up our year so far in a nutshell and we're looking forward to a new beginning! Be strong because things will get better, it may be stormy now but the rain won't last forever.

What is Nursing School?

The last 10 days have been the most exhausting, trying, selfish, emotional days I've had in months. I have never made my family sacrifice so much. I have never went days without talking to my boys. But the last 10 days, I have. I have spent 14, 16, 18 hours a day away from my husband and my boys. I have cried more than I'd like to admit. I have neglected my boys. I don't know what projects they've done in school. I don't even know what their grades are. I missed Jeremy's grandmothers funeral. My baby went to Cooks without me. My son has diagnosed with a 2 new conditions. We have hired, fired and had a nurse walk out. I haven't had dinner with my family. I haven't been home to tell them goodnight. They leave at 6 am and I come home at 2 am. 

Nursing School is 

not easy, 

it's a lot of tears. 

It's long nights and early mornings. 

It's not fun. 

It's missed milestones, funerals and weddings. 

It's leaving your baby while he or she is in the hospital. 

It's planning family time around exams. 

It's not exciting every day. 

It's rewarding.

It's new friendships that turn to family. 

It's more tears. 

It's not all smiles but some days are easier than others. 

It's needing people who you didn't think you needed. 

It's not needing people you thought you needed before. 

It's changing the laundry at 2 am because you need your uniform. 

It's buying an extra watch, pen light, and 32854 notecards.

It's achievements. 

It's goals. 

It's not for the faint of heart.

It's preparing you to impact lives, change lives, and save lives. 

It's Nursing School.
mk.

Jeremy has done it all. He has cooked, cleaned, signed homework, went to ARD meetings, scheduled, rescheduled and attended doctor appointments, been to baseball practice and coached Biscuits team. He does the laundry and cleans the bedrooms, grocery shops, runs to the pharmacy, all while working full time plus some. I could not have done it without him. 18+ hour days at the library would have been impossible.

My mom, aunt, and granny have helped us financially, spiritually, emotionally and has supported me from day one. My sister has listened to me vent. My friends have been understanding when I haven't been there for them. My older boys have put smiles on my face on my hardest days, brought me snacks while studying, sent me funny memes and videos singing and playing the guitar and what they don't know is, that's what kept me going everyday. From pushing me to start school to celebrate each passing test grade, they have been my motivation. One of my former students has spent hours tutoring me and celebrated my successes with me. Someone that I met just 4 months ago sitting next to me has become one of my closest friends considering I spend more time with her than anyone was in my life! Our nurses that take care of Jordan night and day and been an ear for me to vent and even those that have helped me review for test. There's been two instructors that will leave a memory in my heart forever, the ones who knew the look of defeat on my face without me saying a work and always offered an encouraging smile and the one that challenged me to always be prepared and taught me the importance of being a confidant nurse!  And there's so many more that have supported me on this journey, from the one who encouraged me to apply to the one that's held me while I've cried, some close and some across the world! For each one of you I'll be forever grateful!!

Today, I passed. I passed my first semester of nursing school. I am a senior nursing

student! I still have 7 more months to go but I feel like if I can get through the first semester I can make it to the end. I do not write all of this to "toot my own horn" but to say thank you to everyone who made this first semester a success. It wouldn't have been possible without the prayers from those closest to me, the people in my life, my supportive husband and the motivation my boys give me everyday!

Thank you to EVERYONE who made this possible!

 "God has chosen you to fulfill His purpose on Earth, and He has given you the gifts and passion to complete your mission. You don't get to choose your talents, and while these skills are yours--given to you--they are yours to share and help someone else."

 

     

Dreams becoming reality and loving without borders...

I often write about my boys, my students, my husband, our futures, our moves, medical updates, our team, and everyone else. I have had it on my heart for several months to make myself a person that I want to be. How much more vulnerable can I be, right? I know, yikes!

There is always people in our lives that make us see our true value, that make us believe in ourselves and if were not careful we miss those valuable people, we miss those lessons, we miss those words that are true and meant to make a difference in our lives. It's easy to ignore those subtle encouraging comments but take heed and believe what those that love you are speaking over you. It's hard, I know, it has taken me YEARS and there's only a couple of people that I love without borders and trust their words without apprehension. When you find that person or those people hold on to them, they love you and God orchestrated those relationships with precise meaning and purpose. If you are my person, you know it, so thank you, again.

Wife. Coach's wife. Mom of {I don't keep count anymore} Taxi Driver. Care Taker. Medical Bill Payer. Insurance Expert. Cook. Cleaner. Hiney Wiper. Therapy Scheduler. Supply Orderer. Nurse Interviewer. Homework signer. Bed Maker. Note Writer. Hug giver. Kiss receiver. Listener. Teacher. Counselor. Referee. Blogger. Game Watcher.

Nursing Student 2017

Europe Bound 2018

Yep, I am doing it for me because I deserve it. Because someone has taken the time to make me believe in myself. Because I have supported my husband to make his dreams come true and now he wants to support me to make my dreams come true. Because becoming who God has called me to be should be a priority. Because I can. Because of my boys. Because dreams do come true. Because I love without borders. That is my "because, what is your "because"?

I tell someone who I love dearly to "choose you" constantly and its such a simple phrase, a simple task, but why is it so hard for most of us?

I'm ordering books and getting my passport! Nursing school starts in August and I am Europe bound in 2018 (hopefully March if not August) to see my boys!