How'd we get from there to here? Adventures in a {really} small town...

Life has a way of surprising us, and recently, we have embarked on an exciting journey of change, new beginnings, and a touch of adventure.

You know that feeling when you decide to take a leap of faith, step out of your comfort zone, and embrace change? Well, that's exactly what happened to us. After careful consideration, I made the decision to leave the Joseph Thomas Foundation, a move that came after lots of prayer, tears and counsel. Just 48 hours later, we were informed that Jeremy would not be allowed to return to TLCA for the next school year. For those in "regular" schools that maybe reading this, TLCA does not offer contracts, you can be relieved of your duties at anytime during the school year. In the eyes of many, it might have seemed like my departure from JTF was solely linked to Jeremy's career change, and while leaving TLCA was not in our plan, the reality is more nuanced. God was orchestrating the narrative of our next chapter. Now, six weeks later, the anticipation and excitement about what lies ahead in this new phase are beyond words. We're ready to dive into the rest of this chapter, embracing the unknown with open hearts and a sense of purpose. Leaving behind the familiar was daunting. After all, our entire family has spent countless hours building two different organizations to what they are today. Deep down, I knew my time at JTF was coming to an end and to continue the vision that I have to serve and advocate for the underserved would require me to turn the page and seek out where God would want me to be next.

So a quick recap- October 30, I resigned from my mission at JTF. To add some adventure, on October 31 Jaxon was bitten in the face by a pit bull on Halloween night while Trick or Treating. November 1, Jeremy was informed he was no longer wanted at TLCA. 

After reality set in our boys were crushed, angry, confused, and shocked. Over the next week they would learn life lessons about perseverance, dedication, dishonesty, and betrayal. It was time for Jeremy and I to hit our knees in prayer. When our boys, that were determined to have perfect attendance, refused to go to school because they "couldn't even look at them [staff and admin]", we knew we had to make some changes, quickly.

I was offered a job at a widely recognized non-profit within three days of my resignation. I knew I was not going to be able to accept the position because we would be relocating but I do feel like God used that job offer as confirmation that I was desperately needing, since both of us became "unemployed" semi-unexpectedly, within 48 hours.  

One week later God began opening doors for our family. November 9 our family was invited to interview at Electra ISD. Yes, our whole family, how cool is that?! 

How is Jay going to handle this, HE'S A SENIOR?

Will I need a job ASAP?

Will there be a special ed program?

Will there be a house big enough for us? 

Not only is it Christmas time, it's the MIDDLE OF THE YEAR!

Again, we prayed and we prayed hard. God answered our prayers in ways I never thought imaginable.

November 13 the boys said goodbye to friends and Jeremy said goodbye to his athletes and they made the move to Electra and started school two days later. The boys and Jeremy lived in our RV until I was able to move with the littles on November 30.

It is no easy opening a new chapter in the book of life. The first day brings a mix of anticipation and eagerness to learn, meet new coworkers, teachers, coaches, and friends, and dive into fresh challenges. And guess what? It's been nothing short of amazing! 

Now, here's the cherry on top –the boys are doing great! As any parent will attest, seeing your children flourish and adapt to change is a priceless reward. Their resilience and ability to adjust to new schools, make new friends, and face the uncertainties that come with change have truly filled my heart with pride. Jay is loving living in a small town, Biscuit is loving basketball and Jaxon has been building his own baseball field in the backyard and his face is healing and I think we will get to avoid another surgery. Michael is making friends quickly. Maddie Jo is enjoying time at home with the mama. Jett is absolutely loving riding the [handicap] accessible bus everyday and Jeremy is adjusting nicely to a lot less duties and being home by 4:30 pm everyday!

We feel incredibly lucky and blessed to be surrounded by a supportive network of old friends and family who have been our pillars during this period of change. Their encouragement, love, and prayers have been invaluable in making this transition a beautiful experience for our entire family. We have had people help us move, clean, unpack, do construction on our new {BIG ENOUGH} house, and more! 

As my time at JTF comes to a close on December 28, my heart is filled with mixed emotions. While I am genuinely saddened at the thought of parting ways with the incredible families I've had the privilege to know, I am equally thrilled about embracing a new ministry. Seeing God's hand in every sentences of the last chapter of our lives gives me an incredible amount of peace. Change can be bittersweet, but I'm ready for the adventures and connections that await in this next beautiful joyful journey.

Change can be daunting, but it's often the catalyst for growth, both personally and professionally. Embracing the unknown, stepping into uncharted territory, and trusting the journey can lead to unexpected and wonderful outcomes. It's a reminder that life is an ever-evolving adventure, and each change is an opportunity for new experiences, challenges, and victories.

As I sit here reflecting on this transformative period, I'm filled with gratitude for the opportunities that have come our way. To anyone contemplating a change in career, considering a new job, or navigating the challenges of change, I encourage you to take that leap. It might just be the beginning of an extraordinary chapter in your life.

Avoid lingering in a space where you don't belong, resist letting others define your value, and seek a place where your contributions are genuinely appreciated. 

Here's to embracing the unknown, chasing dreams, and feeling grateful for the blessings that surround us. May your journey be filled with joy, growth, and the courage to welcome the unknown.

I know it's an overused verse but holding on strong to Jeremiah 29:11-14! !

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Stay tuned, the adventures are stopping anytime soon.

Raw Reality of Living with Grief, Joy, Pain, and Hope

Today marks 4 years since our sweet Jordan met Jesus face to face. 

I knew the pain wouldn't go away but I didn't know it would get worse. 

Losing a child and then having more children is such a complex situation. Grief in general is complex. Hope and joy radiate through Jett and Maddie Jo, also known as "The Littles" just like I remember it radiating through Jordan. They make me smile every single day. They don't know the pain that the rest of us have. Did God know that we would need them so much? Did God know that I would think I could not get out of bed, nor would I want to wake up, every single day and live in this hell, if I didn't have all my other children. He must have known. He must've known this pain that I would suffer. He must know the complex pain of a bereaved parent, or does He? 

Pastor Justin said "God wants all of us"..so the good, the bad, the ugly, the mad, the happy, the sad all of us. Thank goodness. Grieving your child brings it all out, right under the spotlight. Somedays, I can work. Somedays, I am numb. Somedays, like today, I am so angry. Life shouldn't be this way. I cried on the way to work, on the way to lunch, at work, and when I got home from work. I am sure I'll end up in the shower crying before the night is over, and that my friends, is the raw reality of grief. 

As we move on to new schools, new jobs, new communities, the harder it seems to be getting. The more people we know and the less people that know Jordan. I know he's not forgotten but my gosh it hurts when people don't acknowledge him. It's not their fault. People don't know what to say. People don't know what to do. I wish I didn't. If you're reading this and you don't know. Say their name. Acknowledge them. Remember your friend. Make your friend dinner. Text them. Call them. Anything. Just don't leave them alone, unless they want to be alone. Also, know that we don't know what we want. I told you it's complex. Let's add one more layer to the complexity they look strikingly similar. They even have the same shoes on in this picture.

Jett and Maddie Jo came into our lives shortly after Jordan went to heaven. They are the most beautiful babies I could ever ask for. To answer my own question above, He did know. He knew we would need them. Even when we said no. He said Yes. We said No. And He wrapped them up perfectly, complete with an extra chromosome for some flair and gave us the most precious gift anyone could ask for. 

We adopted Maddie Jo on May 18, 2021 (via Zoom, thanks Covid) and Jett on December 15, 2022. 

We are adjusted to having two littles in the house and it's like they have always been here. I wouldn't change anything, maybe Maddie Jo's sleeping habits but that's about it. Despite our very hard days and the pain that never subsides, I try really hard to smile. Check on your friends that are not smiling and really check on the ones that are. 

Through the grief, joy, pain, and hope life has given me, I cling to the promise of God, it's not easy. I feel like I am hanging from a 10-story building with blister-covered hands griping a frayed rope but I try to hold on for the ones that still need me here, for the ones that call me mama, for the ones I still get to hold and the ones that still cry for their baby brother. I will hold on. I will find joy in the journey.... somehow.... but it so so hard some days... just like today. 

The pain is unreal, friends. There are no words descriptive enough to accurately illustrate the pain. If you have spent any time with me the last two and half weeks I am sure you have felt the heaviness I have been carrying. Thank you for loving me through it. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for checking on me. Thank you for the grace you have extended. Thank you for the cards. Thank you for the food. Thank you for the phone calls. You know who you are. 

I started writing this on August 17, 2023, when grief waves took me under and nearly drowned me. Today, is August 18, 2023 and I woke up. I made it another year without him but not without screaming into a towel in the bottom of the shower while I was completely clothed, and not without my sister having to set my fresh clothes out on the bed for me and make sure my babies were fed,  and not without medication, and not without chest pains, and not without episodes of zoning out and loss of memory, and not without a sweet friend bringing dinner over, not without the cards and calls of encouragement. I made it another year, but not without help. I am so thankful for you that helped. Thank you Macy, Megan, Michelle, Kira, Kimberly, Amber, Angela, Hannah, Jeanne, Krista and Jaime for getting me through one more year. I hope I remembered everyone that remembered us and our sweet boy yesterday. 

If you or someone you know has lost a child from birth-99 please consider joining While We're Waiting-Support for Bereaved Parents. It is a Christian-based non-profit that provides support, care, prayers, and love needed to navigate this unpaved, unmarked, treacherous road that we are walking as grieving parents. You can find more information at www.whilewerewaiting.org 

Joy and Sorrow

Joy and sorrow. Together, can they co-exist? 

It has been 11 months since I have updated the blog. 11 months ago we had some big heavy decisions to make. Unfortunately the decision we had to keep making just got heavier.

DNR?

Hospice?

Medications?

Funeral songs?

Is this it?

Is it time to call family?

Funeral plans?

Cemetery plot?

Casket choices?

Headstones?

But the most conflicting..

Joy or sorrow?

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalms 34: 17-18 

How could I possibly wake up again? How could I possibly smile again? How could I go on a vacation and enjoy the beach again? How could I laugh again? 

Jesus. That's how. 

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8

Jordan's entire journey from weeks before his adoption until the day he went to be with Jesus was surrounded by a verse. A verse that will forever be my reminder of the life full of joy that he lived. 

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1: 2-4 

He lacks absolutely nothing and that is how you have joy and sorrow. While we are so full of sorrow here on Earth my heart sings joys for the complete healing of my baby boy. I miss his laugh, his smile, his joy but I wouldn't selfishly ask for him to live another day without Jesus by his side. 

The day Jordan met Jesus, the most beautiful horrific day of my entire life. At 5:30 am Jordan woke me up from a quick nap. We had been up for almost 5 days with just little 5-10 minute naps between the Kira and I. I knew that morning that Jordan was going to meet Jesus soon. Kira woke up Jeremy. Jeremy would later go to work and just a few short hours later, the Lord would confirm in Jeremy what He told me that morning. The boys and Jeremy came home from school and slowly our home started filling with our closest friends and family. We got to hold Jordan and we cried and we praised Jesus for His promises and His unwavering love for Jordan. One by one people came from all over the state to be with us as we knew that Jordan was getting closer to Jesus. 

Over the next 23 hours 43 people, what later would become "My 43", filled our tiny home. A surplus of food everyone. Fans to cool the house off. Chairs to sit in. Songs to sing. Memories to share. Pictures to show and videos to watch. 


Between 4:30 am and 5:00 am on August 17, 2019 Jordan left my arms and was handed into the arms of Jesus, completely healed and healthy for the first time in 3 years, 41 weeks and 3 days he was completely healthy. Can you imagine opening your eyes for the first time in over 3 years and seeing Jesus? What a wonderful sight that must be! 

In the last 5 months I have have experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Knowing your child is with Jesus is the absolute best feeling I have ever had, I can't even put it into words. I know he is protect for eternity. Touching your child for the very last time is the lowest of lows. This unfortunately, is the reality of life. 

My 43.
There is an intimate relationship that is formed between people when they experience the lowest of lows together. There is a bond that can not be broken. There are people who were almost strangers, people I only knew of their names, on August 16, 2019 that now are My 43. The 43 people that have literally held our family together since August 17, 2019 and were with us, in our home in Jordan's very last moments. My 43 stood for hours and hours, without a break, they slept in corner on the hardwood floor, they cried tears, they dropped what they were doing and drove across the state, the did our laundry, the cooked us food and cleaned our house.  I will be forever grateful for My 43. 

I have experienced undeserving grace, given patience beyond belief, we were overwhelmed by the generosity of our community, family, and friends. We haven protected by God because of your prayers. Thank you for loving us. 

Today, 5 months and 5 hours ago my son ran into the arms of Jesus.  

If you have someone close to you that has experienced the loss of a child please just remain with them. Not the day of, or the week of or the month of, remain with them as long as you can. Friendships we never expected to dissolve have slowly disintegrated over time. It's no ones fault, we understand. Do not feel guilty. Do not even apologize, unless it makes you feel better. It's okay.

If you don't know how to remain with your friends here are some ideas that have helped me get through the days on this horrible journey

• say their son or daughters name 
• remember their son or daughters heaven date, every month or year
• make a donation in their son or daughters name 
• provide dinner for them (even months after the loss)
• check on them 
• don't judge their decisions 
• don't assume you would do "it" [grief] this way or that way 
• share pictures, videos, memories you have of their son or daughter
• visit and take pictures of their son or daughters grave site 
• tell them when you think about their son or daughter 
• most importantly, pray for the entire family and tell them when you do 

If you are worried about upsetting mom or dad, trust me, you won't. They may cry but that doesn't mean you have "made things worse". That means they miss their son or daughter and they are so relieved to know he or she has not been forgotten.

To those that have remained with us, thank you. To those that have not judged us, thank you. To those that have not received a well deserved, traditional, thank you card, thank you. {sending those cards and ordering the headstone are so finalizing, hence I just can't bring my self to hit the purchase button on my full online cart} 

I will wrap up this post my encouraging you to find 

JOY in your journey, like Jordan did everyday. 

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1: 2-4

Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we’ve been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you’ll have it all—life healed and whole. {reference from 1 Peter} 

Because of our promised future in heaven, Joy and Sorrow can co-exist.