more good news...and venting!

Ok so I am saving the venting for last because I know you only want to read the good news.

So today our CM came for her monthly visit with GREAT news! Michael and Christopher's CW (Jo) is going to request that their permanency goal be changed to TERMINATION!! I am so excited but I can't believe it! The news is very much welcomed but very scary at the same time. Its going to be a very big next seven days for us. On Wednesday we go for Jonathans termination hearing and then the Permanency Conference on Tuesday (9/7) for the little ones. Its going to be a big week here and I am not for sure that I am ready for all the emotions that is going to come the next few days. I am so thankful for some wonderful women in my life, Mary Castorena, Audrey Rosenquist, Carmen Snyder, Rebecca Sheddrick and Shannan Kirk! Thank you all for everything you do without yall I would be a mess and I would feel VERY sorry for my husband! Some of you I have only known for a very short amount of time and Rebecca, I have never even met you but feel so close to you. You listen to me complain, cry, celebrate, gripe, moan, answer my questions, and just listen. THANK YOU!

You are welcome to stop reading at this point everything below this is venting!

Ok so I am so aggravated with some of my family! A few people in particular but I am not going to mention any names, if you know me well enough and arent reading this to be nosey you will know who I am talking about! I am tired of the excuses "I dont want to get close because they might go home", "What if they leave", "I just dont want to see you hurt", "What if..."! WHO CARES! WHY DONT YOU QUIT BEING SELFISH AND THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILD and/or GRANDCHILD! What did you have to go through, were your abused, neglected, tormented, left on the curb, in the car, born with drugs in your system, lost a parent, lost both parents, lost a brother or sister, never had a bed, never had a toy, never had clean clothes, never had clothes, locked in your room, beaten, forgotten. I dont think you have an excuse! I dont even want to tell them our good news because they will say something ignorant like "I didnt want to tell you this because I know it will hurt your feelings but dont get your hopes up!" or "oh cool". Well how about this, dont get your hopes up that I am going to call you and tell you ANYTHING about MY children! You want to know?, why dont YOU ask! Whew, ok! I feel better. Now I understand they didn't sign up for this but do they understand these are my children, as badly as they may want it I am not going to have children. I am extremely confidant that God has/had a plan for the way I will/would be a mom, the way they get here doesn't matter to me and I wouldn't think it would matter to anyone else but I guess it does. I wouldn't have it any other way. I have three amazing children and could not be any luckier! I love them so much and I wish everyone else had the nerve to let themselves love them just half as much as I do, they would be blessed! I understand IF they leave it will hurt, but it wont hurt me as much as their tummies hurt when they were hungry, or they backsides hurt when they were disciplines, or their feelings hurt after being let down time and time again. There is no amount of pain that I wouldn't take to help a child, a helpless, innocent child. But again, I know that we signed up for this not our whole family, nor did we ask for their permission. So with all that being said I do not understand their position on the whole issue but I understand how their can be a difference of opinion. Well thats all I have for now...

I will update on Wednesday night and next Tuesday. Thanks for all the prayers :)

Got News?!

We got some exciting news yesterday (8/10). Jonathans CASA worker called told me she would be coming to visit and that his next permancy hearing is scheduled for September 1st at 1:00 pm! AHHHH!!! We are so excited that it might be over for him in less than one month. I am still very scared and nervous but praying that God's will is what is best for Jonathan and that we will have understanding minds and hearts if it does not turn out the way we think it should.

As for everyone else that we have told they are pretty excited but one person, and I know they just dont want to see us hurt but I am so angry, its the same family member that was not supportive in the beginning and again I dont expect everyone to understand. I signed up for fostering, not my family, not my friends, not my neighbors, me and Jeremy and I shouldnt set expectation for them but I am just going to be honest, my kids are my kids when they come through our door they are no longer labeled as foster kids nor do I want ANYONE to treat them like that! UNDERSTAND?, GOOD! Ok I am done venting now! Thanks for reading!

5th Month Court Report

We just receieved the "5th Month Court Report" in the mail. Interesting. Christopher and Michaels mom has not completed anything on her plan and CPS can not get in contact with the fathers in the case. Mother admitted to using again but tested negative in a drug test. During a home visit with CASA and the mother she reported that the house was inappropriate for children. The house had animal feces and urine and dishes that had not been washed in quite sometime, it was also very cluttered and dirty. Mom still hasnt gotten a job and/or independant housing and/or reliable transportation. She did not go to the hearing nor did either of the fathers related to the case. We were not able to go the hearing because we had a state inspection with licensing that day. Did I mention we PASSED!! Thats all the update for now. Next month is Jonathans 5th Month hearing.