I dont even know where to begin with this blog. I cant seem to update my status, which if you know me at all know that I do that often, so I thought (unfourtantly for you) I would come blog.
First, its our 8th "anniversary" (we started dating 8 years ago today) tonight and he decided to go scout an upcoming team tonight with a fellow coach.. and I think he forgot. It wouldnt normally be that big of a deal except on our 4 year wedding annivesary, in August, guess where he was, with the same coach playing golf!
Next, I am feel a bit depressed here in the lonely small town. I cant quite get into the swing of things or soemthing.. I am not real sure. I think I have just about met everyone there is to meet and since theres nothing to do it makes it kinda hard to "hang out". I had several best friends in Stephenville and then we had several couple friends. We were always, cooking out, having game nights, going out to eat with everyone, shopping in Fort Worth, now its me and the boys at home all day, Jeremy goes to work, comes home, bed and then we do it all over again the next day. We have 2 resturants here, a grocery store, school, church, and post office, litterally thats about all. We dont even have a park for me to take the kids too! I would call it the ideal place if you aren't a homebody.
What else, I am still struggling with the fact that we will not be able to concieve and carry a child to full term. Most of the time I am ok with it, my boys are the only things that keep me going, but there are days like today, I just want to give up, crawl in my bed and sleep for days, weeks, months. (Then someone writes on the wall and that dream is quickly over) I feel an empty place in my heart. I feel like I am not invested in anything and that is so hard for me. In Stephenville, I was either volunteering, taken the kids somewhere, organizing an event, doing a fundraiser, doing something at church...here nothing, theres nothing to do other than support Jeremy, which we obviously do. I hope that I can be content again one day, soon. I hope that our last child comes to us in a way so perfectly designed and organized by God that His light will shine through that child.
Next, this kinda goes along with the previous paragraph...Menard, oh Menard, how I dont like thee right now! I have been wearing a smile for the last (almost) 6 months, "loving" Menard. Sometimes I do really love it here, other times I want to move so far away I cant even think straight! Jeremy's boss isnt the nicest of nice guys, well not even close! He treats Jeremy awful and its so hard to sit back and not say anything, to watch his self esteem go down the drain, to hear how he doesnt want to go to work because "he [Jeremy] is the worst f****** coach" (yes said by someone on the coaching staff). Jeremy is a great coach and I cant wait for him to show everyone [coaching staff] what he is worth! I just know my husband is better than to be treated like that!
period.
